A Book of Hope
by XX00Meg00XX
Summary: "For once in their lives, there was a series of fortunate events." Castle finally reads Kate's anniversary gift. A sequel to "A Handful of Words".
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here is the sequel to "A Handful of Words". I'm taking a social media Hiatus in February but this story is already written so there will be one chapter/day throughout the month. I hope you enjoy the journey!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

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**A Book of Hope**

For once in their lives, there was a series of fortunate events. They returned from their honeymoon after two weeks of basking in a love so deep that neither could truly wrap their mind around it. But it had been the first evening after they'd settled back into the loft that Kate gave him the best news of his life, for the second time.

He'd been unpacking their suitcases while she finished her bedtime routine when she came out of the bathroom with tears in her eyes and a huge grin on her face. It had only taken one look at her and the small white stick she carried in her hand to know. Castle had wrapped one arm around her waist while she pressed the positive pregnancy test into his other, both of them holding a part of the proof, and seconds later they were celebrating the life that they had created together, in more ways than one.

He'd planned on reading her anniversary gift to him as soon as they returned home, but Kate's morning sickness had other plans. Two months of holding her hair in the early hours of the morning and the late hours of the evening before it finally began to ease. He hated it for her, but she once again proved her strength. Never once did a complaint fall from her mouth, she just rubbed her still flat stomach, told their baby it was okay and carried on with each day.

And each day he was still amazed by the depths of her heart and strength.

Once things were finally good for her, meaning she was able to wake up each day and completely enjoy carrying the life that was growing inside her, he picked up her journal filled with things she had written to him during the time he was missing and sat down at his desk to read her words. He had just opened the cover and ran his hand over the first page, over her beautiful, delicate handwriting, when he felt her step up behind him.

"Hey, Babe, I know you're ready to dive in and read everything I wrote you, but I was just thinking maybe you could read one entry a day. As I told you before, I wrote things that I wanted for our future, hopes, but some days it was still a little hard to find those words."

He turned his chair so that he could wrap her in his arms and she came willingly, settled in his lap while he placed kisses to her temple, her cheek, and finally her lips. And then with a final press of her lips, she smiled and slid off his lap so that he could read her words.

She turned at the doorway, hovered there for a moment and smiled again when his eyes lingered on her.

"I love you," she whispered, before she left him to get lost in her hopes for their future. The smile on her face lingered as she slid into their bed, because so many of her hopes were already a reality.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the almost immediate, amazing response to this sequel of a story! Your support means the world to me!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

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_July 1__st__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I didn't even want to do this when Dr. Burke suggested it yesterday. It's not because I don't think we'll find you, and not because you don't deserve to read these words, but after a month of searching and wondering where you are, putting these words on paper makes this so much more real. _

_Yesterday was my second meeting with Burke. He helps me more than I like to admit, and the truth is I need him to keep me functioning through this. If I lose it, I'll be no use to you. He handed me this book as soon as I walked in yesterday and suggested that I take a little time each day to write to you. He knew before I even started shaking my head that I didn't like the idea. But then he surprised me. _

_He suggested that instead of writing about the hard things, about the struggles of each day without you, that I write about something positive. So this is me finding joy in each day by writing about my hopes for our future. Each day until I find you, I promise to tell you about our future, because I'm not giving up, Castle. We will have a future. _

_I can't wait to kiss you good morning and good night every day and all of the hours in-between, just because I can. Because it doesn't matter how many times I've been able to do that already, I'll never get tired of kissing you. And I think I took advantage of that before, didn't take enough time to appreciate things like that. So, come home soon, Babe. My lips are lonely, and this cold, empty bed, is something I could do without._

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He slowly closes the book after reading her first entry, suddenly glad that she suggested he only read one entry a day, because he isn't sure he could handle reading the entire thing at once. She found a way to write about her hopes, but it didn't stop the pain she felt. A pain he hopes to never cause her again.

So he does the only thing he can, he vows to make all of her hopes a reality. And that starts with climbing into their bed with her.

He leaves the black book on his desk, turns out the light and joins his wife.

Her eyes flutter when he slips in beside her, and she smiles as she wraps herself around the warmth of his body.

"No more cold sheets, no more lonely nights, and no more lonely lips. Never again," he promises against the soft skin of her neck, making sure that she knows he soaked in every word she wrote.

She lifts her head to find his lips, swallows the rest of his promises in a good night kiss that lasts well into the early hours of the morning. And then she falls asleep enveloped in his arms with the reminder and promise that in a few short hours, she gets to wake up beside her husband and kiss him good morning.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Once again, thank you so much for your response to this story! I find myself constantly smiling while reading the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters involved in this story.**

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_July 2__nd__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_It's three in the morning and I'm trying, I swear I am, but the dreams keep coming. No matter how many positive thoughts I fall asleep with, no matter how focused I am on the hopes of our future, I still find myself being plunged into horrible dreams with tragic endings. _

_I know you weren't in the car, I saw it for myself, but my subconscious can't let go of the image of you there. Did you get out before the car ever erupted in flames? Were you burned in the process? How bad were you hurt before someone drug you away from the scene?_

_I can't stop asking myself these questions, because I need the real answers. I need to know what happened to you. _

_Anyway, I'm supposed to be writing about positive things, about hopes, so let me try. _

_I look forward to a future of positive dreams, of peaceful nights with restful sleep. Nights with dreams that are filled with wonderful things, whether they're things that have really happened or that I want to happen. _

_Sleeping beside you has always brought me an inner peace. And being with you has filled my nights with some of the best dreams. So that's my second hope for our future, Babe, good dreams that chase away the bad. I don't know where you are or what state you're in, but I hope your dreams are kinder to you than mine._

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Castle finds it interesting that he finds himself reading her second entry at almost the same time of morning that she wrote it to him. Unable to sleep for more reasons than he'd ever tell her, he had crept into his office and sat down to read more of her words.

He still doesn't have the answers to any of her questions, but he wishes more than anything that he did.

The amount of pain laced in those words, in the admission that she was hurting even though she constantly tried to find hope, is enough to have his heart pounding furiously against the wall of his chest.

Whoever took him might have made him forget, but Kate faced a far harder battle. She remembers every day of those two months, every painful moment that she had to admit that their ending wasn't guaranteed to be happy.

He can't stand sitting in his office away from her any longer, not when she spent two months alone in their bed.

When he slips back in beside her, Kate has rolled onto her back. He smiles when he notices her left hand is laid gently across her stomach. It's still flat, but he knows their child is growing inside her. It makes his heart swell, knowing that they're getting their happy ending, that they created a life together.

This is the love he always dreamed of, the kind of love that he knew was out there, but wasn't sure he'd ever find. He knows she thought the same thing, and he's glad that she eventually chose to take a chance on him.

He can't resist reaching his own hand out and letting it rest over hers. He gets to be a father again, and he gets to raise his child with the love of his life. Dreams really do come true, and he hopes that he can continue to make Kate happy in all of the ways that bring only the best kinds of dreams.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Your responses to this story have me constantly smiling! Thank you for loving it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

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Castle has to skip out on going to the precinct with her the next day. He knows he's been putting off his Black Pawn meeting for far too long. They want him to do a month long book tour including a few other country visits and he's just not willing to leave Kate for that long, especially not while she's pregnant.

So he leaves her that morning with a reassuring kiss and a promise from her that she won't go chasing after any dangerous suspects. And then he spends two long hours arguing with Gina and Paula about why he can't go on tour and leave his wife. Neither women have kids so they seem to have a great deal of trouble understanding where he's coming from.

Finally, after some heated words and his reassurance that he won't be leaving the country without Kate any time soon, he agrees to do a one month tour in cities that are close enough for him to get back to Kate relatively quickly if she needs him. He still hates the idea, knows he won't enjoy the book tour nearly as much as he used to, but it's a decent compromise and at least he'll be getting it over with before Kate is further along.

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He doesn't tell her when he gets to the precinct, doesn't want to stress her while she's at work. So they finish the day in good moods and make it home at a decent hour. But his wife knows him, she reads him just as well as he reads her and the moment they walk through the door she turns to him and wraps her arms around his waist.

"What's wrong, Babe?"

He sighs as he holds her close, unwilling to let her go. "I couldn't get out of the book tour."

He feels her stiffen against him and then she's holding him a little tighter. "When do you have to go?"

He nudges her towards the couch, sits down with her in his arms before he continues.

"I refused to leave the country and they finally agreed. It's one month of cities not too far from here so anytime you need me, I'll be on a plane home in a heartbeat."

"Castle, I'm not even showing yet. I don't want to be away from you, but this is important, I'll be okay."

She tilts her head on his chest so that she can look up at him and she lifts her hand to his face, runs her thumb over the soft skin under his eye.

"It's already set, Kate. I'm not going to travel far away from you while you're pregnant. Regardless of how far along you are, I'm just not."

She offers him a smile before repeating her previous question. "When do you leave?"

"Monday morning," he sighs, closing his eyes in defeat at the mention of those words.

He feels her shifting before the soft weight of her settles in his lap and her hands cup his face, coaxing his eyes open.

"Okay, so we'll make the best of the next five days, and then you can take my book with you, read it each day while you're gone and then we'll talk about every night."

His wife is full of positivity, a completely different woman from the one that used to sit at her desk, carrying the weight of the world.

"I love you," he whispers and then he captures her lips in a kiss that's more than enough proof of those words.

He carries her book with him to bed that night, unwilling to spend any of the next five days away from her, even if it's just to read her words. She lays on her back beside him, reaches for his hand as he opens to the next entry and she anchors him to her as he reads.

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_July 3__rd__, 2014_

_Castle, _

_ I don't care what the evidence says, I don't care how long it's been since I've seen you, and I don't care if everyone else gives up on looking for you. I know that you didn't walk away from me, I know you're out there fighting to get back. I will never stop looking, never._

_When I get you back, we're going to get married. I don't even care if we go down to city hall and do it there. All that matters to me is that you and I are there. I love you, Castle. I love you so much and I'm going to be your wife, I am. I can't wait to marry you. Please come home soon, I can't wait much longer to call you my husband._

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He gently closes the book and places it on the table beside the bed and then he rolls over and gathers Kate in his arms.

"We made it, Kate. We're married, and you get to call me your husband for the rest of your life."

She smiles and pulls him closer. "I know, and that day, becoming your wife, it was everything to me."

"I love you," he breathes into her mouth. And then he paints his love on every inch of her skin.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Have I ever mentioned how happy your support makes me? Tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of my Papaw's death and the 2nd of my Uncle's suicide. I miss them so much. I'm glad that I'll have a little bit of hope to post for you, and for me as well. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

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Much to Castle's dismay, Wednesday morning brings another bout of morning sickness for Kate. And for the first time since they found out she was pregnant she shut him out of the bathroom, claiming that hovering doesn't help her. She offered an apologetic smile and shut the door, leaving him on the other side and he understands, he does, but he still sulks a little. She didn't lock it, they don't shut each other out in that way anymore, but regardless of that fact, he chooses to give her some privacy.

When she finally emerges from the bathroom he's waiting for her with a hot cup of her favorite organic tea. Not being able to have coffee had been extremely hard on her the first week of her pregnancy and desperate to find something that would suffice until she was able to have it again, he'd gone down to the local organic health store and bought every organic drink they had. Two weeks later she'd picked a favorite, and now their kitchen is stocked with white peach organic tea.

She offers him a brighter smile before reaching for the cup he offers and moves to sit on their bed with her back against the headboard. The silence stretches on as she lets the hot, pleasantly sweet tasting liquid warm her body while Castle hovers near the door, not wanting to crowd her.

She had expected him to sit beside her on the bed, but when he remains where he is she pats the spot beside her. Castle perches at her hip, smiling when she reaches for his hand and squeezes their linked fingers.

"Thank you," she offers, squeezing his hand again when his brow furrows in confusion. He doesn't like it when she continuously thanks him for doing things for her, claims that a life with her is more than enough thanks.

She continues before he can protest, shaking her head when he opens his mouth. "For not hovering. I know you like to be there, and I'm so thankful to have found someone who cares that much, but there's something about throwing up in private that makes me feel a little more dignified. I know you love me, but there's nothing attractive about bending over a toilet while heaving out the contents of your stomach, regardless of the reasoning behind it."

He holds back the chuckle that builds in his throat when she shoots him a look that lets him know how serious she is.

So instead, he leans closer and plants a smacking kiss to her cheek, eliciting an eye roll from her, but his favorite grin as well.

"You're welcome," he replies, after he's taken the empty cup from her, set it on the table by the bed and moved back to her side.

"How are you feeling now?" he asks, grazing his lips up the side of her neck.

"Mm, much better."

"Enough for me to relax you a little before we head to the precinct?" he teases, trailing his hand up her side and smirking when she shivers.

"I thought the pregnancy hormones were only making me insatiable, but you seem to be in the same boat, Babe," she teases back, letting him pull her down the bed until her back rests comfortably on the mattress with him above her.

"Hey, our baby got you up early this morning for a not so pleasant experience, I think you deserve this and I'm making up for the month that I won't be here to indulge you."

They both pause at his words, hating the idea of being away from each other for that long, but he doesn't want to focus on his upcoming book tour and the time he'll have to spend away from her when he's still in bed with so much of her skin to explore, so he plants his lips over hers and wipes everything but pleasure from her mind.

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He finally lets her out of the bed less than forty minutes before she has to be at the precinct, but she doesn't reprimand him for keeping her in bed far too long and he doesn't follow her into the shower to initiate round two. Instead, he spends the time waiting for his turn in the bathroom reading her next journal entry.

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_July 4__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_Last 4__th__ of July we spent the evening at the Hamptons, wrapped around each other in the hammock in the back yard while watching the fireworks display. I'd give anything to be there right now, in fact, I'd be happy with being anywhere right now, as long as I was with you. _

_I kept myself busy most of the day. Martha kept reminding me that I had the day off and I should let myself rest, but resting just seems like another way to let you down. I can't rest, Castle. Not when you're still out there waiting for me to find you. _

_I don't know why this is happening to us, I don't know why the world seems so against our happy ending, but I do know that whoever is behind this hasn't realized who they're dealing with yet. I will stop at nothing to get you back, nothing. _

_I fell asleep last night thinking about our wedding which led to dreams about our honeymoon. So that's my hope for today, our honeymoon. I know that wherever we go, whatever we plan, it will be spectacular because when have you ever taken me anywhere that isn't? But do you know what the best part about going on our honeymoon will be? We'll be married, Castle. I'll finally be your wife. Have I mentioned that I can't wait?_

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He's just finished reading when she steps out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and he has to remind himself that he can't make her late for work, because he desperately wants to rip the towel from her body and spread her back out on their bed. Yeah, one month away from her is going to be hell.

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He somehow manages to keep his hands to himself the entire day at the precinct, but when he gets her home that night, he reminds her that the world didn't stop their happy ending.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I apologize for not responding to all reviews like I usually do, but please know that each and every review means the world to me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

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Some days Kate thinks of her mom and smiles. On those days the world seems easier, brighter, a reminder of the joy that shines through the cracks even when the pain tries to close in around you. Those are the days Kate loves. But some days when she thinks of her mom, it's too much to know that she'll never see her again, too much to remember that she's gone. On those days the dark clouds seem to hover, bringing gloom wherever she goes.

The ultrasound picture of their baby that she holds in her hand should bring more joy than she's ever felt, but the thought of being a mother without having her own to share it with is almost too much. And she finds herself fighting back tears throughout the entire day. She finds herself watching the seconds tick by on the clock while she works on paperwork at her desk.

Castle had to attend a last minute meeting with Black Pawn to finalize the details of his book tour, and his absence from the old, worn out chair beside her desk isn't helping her mood. He got the call as soon as they'd walked out of the doctor's office and the kiss he planted on her cheek before leaving was a silent apology, because he knew his words would bring the tears she was so desperately trying to hold back.

She remembers the words she wrote for the next journal entry he's about to read. Those words explain how she's feeling today so accurately with the exception being she wasn't carrying their child at the time. She needs him to read that entry before she gets home, so she types out a quick text, asks if he'll read it before she gets there, and his immediate reply brings the first smile to her face since they saw their tiny baby on the monitor this morning.

And then she's back to watching the seconds pass, counting down the time until she can fall into the comforting embrace that only her husband offers.

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Castle makes it home an hour before Kate's shift ends. Knowing that she'll be home on time since she isn't working the field right now has him hurrying into the kitchen to start dinner. He knows she had a hard time this morning, and probably an even harder time after he was forced to leave her for the day, so he plans out an evening to bring the joy back into her day.

He has the marinara sauce simmering, and the chicken cooking when he brings the small book filled with her journal entries to the kitchen so that he can keep an eye on the food while he reads.

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_July 5__th__, 2014_

_Castle, _

_Life isn't fair, I've known that for a long time, but at what point does a higher being decide that a person has been through enough? I never give up, you know that better than anyone, and I'm not giving up on finding you, but it's becoming increasingly harder to find the joy in each day. _

_It wasn't that long ago that I took down my mother's murder board and it was a long time after that before I really accepted that it was over. Now I found myself standing in the same spot, staring at another board filled with pictures of someone I love and it's too much. I just can't handle losing another person that holds so much of my heart._

_I will not lose you, Castle. _

_I miss my mother so much sometimes that living another day without her is torture. And until I found you, I let that torture swallow me most days. I think about all of the things in my life that she'll never be there for. The chair she should be sitting in at our wedding will be empty. She'll never be called a grandmother by our children. _

_I don't know how to handle that. _

_This is one of those times when I need your strong arms wrapped around me, your encouraging words to drown out the negative ones, your love to lift me up. I need you, Castle. _

_I'm sorry. I can't find the words to write about hope today. I just need you._

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It's not often that he's brought to tears, in fact, few women in his life have ever made him cry, but Kate's words have tears stinging his eyes. She didn't lose him, but she's been through so much, and he'd give anything to erase those two months of pain from her life. She did so good at writing down hopes, of finding the positive in each day, but she's only human and he knows that she probably broke down many times before she ever wrote that entry.

He's waiting when she walks through the door, knowing exactly what she'll do the moment her bag hits the floor.

She takes one look at him and then she's hurrying over to where he stands by the table, falling into him arms seconds before the tears spill down her cheeks, turning the light blue of his shirt into a dark indigo in the places her tears soak through it. He holds her tighter than usual, long enough for the dinner he's already set on the table to turn cold, but he doesn't care.

"I miss her so much," she chokes out, words muffled into his chest, but somehow he hears them anyway.

"I know you do, I'm so sorry," he comforts, rubbing his hands up and down her back as she trembles in arms.

"I don't want you to go on tour," she confesses, quiet enough for him to know that she hates how needy she is. But losing your mother at nineteen and having your fiancé go missing for two months on the day of your wedding would make any person needy.

"Kate –"

He doesn't want to leave her either, especially when she's like this.

She lifts her head, finds his eyes with her own and finds no shame in letting him see the sadness she feels.

"Two months without you. It doesn't matter how long it's been since that terrible part of our lives, it's still a vivid memory."

He has to kiss her then, just a hard, quick press of his lips to remind them both that they're really there.

And then he's on a mission.

"Go get changed into something comfortable while I reheat our dinner, I'm going to make everything better."

"Castle –"

He shakes his head, gently pushing her towards the bedroom, silently asking her to trust him before placing the chicken parmesan back into the oven. He pulls out his phone while she's gone, typing out a quick message.

_We need to talk. A month long tour isn't going to work for me._

He'll gladly take the wrath of Gina and Paula. Kate doesn't have a mother to share things with anymore, but she does have him. And her happiness is his number one priority.

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_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who sent me sweet messages yesterday. Your friendship and kindness means so much to me. Thank you for every amazing review that you send me, I cherish them all. And to the guest reviewer who told me that I could write novels, thank you for making my day infinitely better! *Hugs***

**If you're reading "Melodies, Murders, and Mysteries", I'm going out of town tomorrow but I'll be back Sunday evening, so I hope to have the next chapter up on Monday. Thanks for being patient!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

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Castle waits until Kate has fallen asleep to slip out of the bed, phone in hand.

He spent the entire evening trying to disperse the dark clouds that seemed to be hovering over her. He'd held her hand while they ate dinner, held her body while they relaxed in the bath, and then held her against him, heart to heart, as she confessed even more of her worries to him in the darkness of their bedroom. It had taken a cup of peach organic tea and a back rub to finally lull her to sleep.

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He eases the door to their bedroom shut and bypasses his office, not wanting to take a chance on waking her. He's prepared for the anger that he's sure fills the voicemail he has on his phone, and he takes a deep breath before lifting the device to his ear.

_Rick, I don't know what the hell you think you're doing. And the fact that you opted to send me a text message instead of calling me to discuss this like an adult is absurd. Going on tour to promote your books is part of your job. It's not just a hobby that Paula and I like to throw at you from time to time. Canceling is not an option. You need to call me back ASAP._

Gina sounds pissed, even more so than she used to when they were married and he made her mad, which seemed to be quite a bit. It amuses him more than it should, but she doesn't scare him. Promoting his newest book is great and all, but he can do that from home, without having to leave Kate.

It's late, but he knows Gina's phone is on and that she's probably fuming somewhere nearby, waiting for his call. He pulls up her number and prepares for a fight.

Gina picks up the call after the first ring.

"You better have a damn good reason for wanting to cancel this tour, Rick."

He dares a laugh, fights back another when he hears her annoyed huff.

"I may have been immature when we were together, Gina, but I'm a different man now, and if I'm canceling something you better believe that I have a good reason."

"And what is the reason?"

He glances towards the bedroom door, ensuring that Kate hasn't been disturbed and then he steps further into the living room.

"I'm not leaving Kate alone for a month."

It's Gina who laughs this time. "Are you kidding me? She's a grown woman and she did just fine on her own before she met you."

"You do remember that I was kidnapped on the day of our wedding right? Missing for two months, two months that Kate had to endure after everything else that she's been through in her life."

"You do realize that was over a year ago, right? It's not like it happened yesterday."

She's making him mad now, and she's probably doing it on purpose because getting a rise out of him always seemed to please her.

"That is ridiculous. It doesn't matter how long it's been, Kate lives with the memory of those two months every day. You can get mad, throw things and yell at me all you want, but I'm not leaving her for a whole month."

"Does she even know you're doing this?"

"Not exactly, but she asked me not to go and that's all that matters."

He can picture Gina's eye roll, the flare of her nostrils as she seethes.

"Canceling the entire tour is NOT an option. You need to do some type of promoting for this book, Rick."

He thinks over what she's just said, tries to come up with a solution that won't hurt his book sales but will keep him from having to leave Kate for a month. He comes up with a compromise, the only compromise he's willing to make.

"One week."

"What?" She huffs into the phone, annoyed with his short but sudden reply.

"I will go on tour for one week, and like before, all of the cities have to be close enough to get home quickly if Kate needs me."

'I don't understand why the hell she would be so needy."

"Because she's pregnant, Gina. And if you leak that to any of the media, we will be having a much bigger discussion than this one. One week, that's all you're getting from me. Send me the details in the morning, goodnight."

He doesn't give his ex-wife a chance to answer, doesn't really care what she has to say about the news he just dropped on her. He ends the call, drops his phone on the table beside the couch and heads back through his office towards the bedroom and his sleeping wife.

* * *

Her journal catches his eye as he passes his desk, and he glances at the clock on the wall. It's not quite midnight, not technically a new day, but he finds himself needing more of her words.

He eases into his desk chair, turns on the small lamp so that he can see to read and then he opens to her next entry.

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_July 6__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_Today is a little better. I cried myself to sleep last night. I could tell you that it was the first time, but you know me well enough to know it wasn't. I used to be good at fighting my emotions, but I miss you so much it hurts. _

_I guess one good thing came from all those tears, I tired myself out enough to sleep more than I have in days. You would scold me for running on empty, but you know that's just a part of who I am. _

_I'm sorry that I couldn't write anything hopeful yesterday, I try to find that glimpse of hope every day, I do, but some days I can't think of anything but the fact that you aren't here. _

_But you will be here again, I'm not giving up. _

_I've been thinking a lot about our wedding and honeymoon and that got me thinking about something else that I'm looking forward to doing with you, celebrating our anniversaries. _

_You always think up the best gift ideas. You're the most romantic man that I've ever known. I should probably be thinking about a gift for you now, so that when our first wedding anniversary actually gets here I'll be able to give you something that expresses the depths of the love I have for you. _

_I look forward to anniversaries, because having an anniversary to celebrate, means that we had a wedding. And having a wedding means that I get to be your wife for the rest of my life._

_Forever is a long time, but with you, it's never long enough._

_I love you, Rick._

* * *

He once told Kate that she was his boyhood dream. He has also told her on more than one occasion that his dreams come true, because he gets to spend his life with her. Their love is a once in a lifetime thing, and he's not going to waste a second of it.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm headed out of town in the morning so rather than making you wait an entire day for the next chapter, I'm posting it early. Happy weekend to you all. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

After his call with Gina, Castle's too worked up to sleep. So he spends the rest of the night watching Kate sleep instead. She'd tell him it was creepy if she knew what he was doing, but he watches her anyway. He's still watching her when the soft morning light filters through the window, painting golden highlights across her face and illuminating the beauty that she is.

He watches as her eyes flutter open, blink closed at the brightness and then flutter open again, searching for him. And the loveliness of her smile in those early morning hours is breathtaking, a sight far more beautiful than anything he could describe. He loves those first moments after she wakes, the brief minutes before she remembers the burdens she carried the night before. But he sees the moment the worry flashes through her mind, feels the moment her body goes from relaxed and rested to tensed and ready to carry the weight of the world.

And he finds himself pulling her close, whispering sweet words against her warm skin as she wraps herself around him. He kisses the soft skin of her neck, ghosts his lips down the hollow of her neck, and the moment she clings to him, giving in to that neediness he knows she's feeling, he chooses to tell her about his decision.

"I talked to Gina last night." His words are muffled against her flesh, but she knows exactly what he's just said and she pulls his lips away from her skin, forces him to look at her.

"About what?" she asks, studying his face as if he's a suspect that she's trying to read.

"I'm not leaving you for a month," he answers, shrugging as if it's no big deal that he cancelled a month long book tour for her.

"Castle –"

He presses his finger to her lips, stops whatever protest she's about to make.

"You don't want me to go, and I don't want to leave you, so I took care of it."

"What do you mean you took care of it? As much as I don't want you to go you need to promote your book, Babe."

"I came up with a compromise," he replies, smiling when her eyes light up for the first time in hours.

"Which was?"

"I'm still going to go on tour, but it's only going to be for one week and I'll be close enough to get here quickly if you need me."

"And Gina was okay with that?" she asks, grinning at her husband.

"I didn't really give her a chance to not be okay with it."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I told her what the deal was and then I hung up."

Kate's eyes widen in surprise, and then she's kissing him, devouring his lips with her own and rolling him onto his back so that she can straddle him. She gives him her thank you with her body first, the words falling from her mouth sometime after her skin has cooled and her breathing has returned to normal.

* * *

That little detail that Castle left out of his conversation with Kate makes itself known later that day during a not so friendly phone call that he receives from Gina. Since he didn't give her another option, she accepts his deal and gives him the new details of his weeklong tour.

Kate was in the shower when the call came through but she caught the tail end of it, enough to know that Castle had told Gina about the baby. And in a fit of rage that only Kate Beckett could express with looks instead of words, she'd climbed in the bed and ignored him for the rest of the night.

* * *

When Castle wakes the next morning he's not surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. In fact, he's shocked that she let him sleep in the bed at all, but when Kate wants to ignore someone, she does it, whether they're in the same room with her or not.

He finds a note on her pillow, notices the slight sloppiness of the words meaning she was still angry when she wrote them.

_Went to the precinct early. Needed some time. Perhaps you should read my next entry before you show up._

_I love you._

_-Kate_

He can't help but smile even though he knows she's mad, because those three little words at the end prove how far they've come.

He showers and dresses before picking up her journal to read the next entry as he finishes his cup of coffee.

* * *

_July 7__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I know this is going to sound crazy but I miss our little fights. I miss the way we get mad, stand our ground and then shut ourselves away from each other for most of the day. I miss the way we refuse to give in until the need for each other becomes greater than the petty thing we're fighting about. I miss the intense make-up sex that we have once we've finally given in to that need for each other. _

_Yes, I miss fighting with you. Because having a fight would mean that you were here to fight with, and regardless of how mad we made each other during the fight, we would get to make up after._

_So yes, I look forward to having stupid, little fights with you in the future because make-up sex with you is one of my favorite things._

* * *

Castle makes it to the precinct not long after he finishes reading her entry, but the make-up sex that follows his explanation and apology can't wait until they make it home.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry there was no post yesterday. While on my trip, my grandmother's dog went missing and we looked for her until 3 am. Lady is home safe now and I re-wrote this chapter to fit in with the story and the day that was missed. Happy Castle Monday.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

There have been many arguments over the years about how creepy staring is, but Castle hasn't stopped watching her since she fell asleep in the small bed in the middle of the too white hospital room.

Kate's okay now, but she scared the crap out of him yesterday and he finds that over-protective side of him taking over.

* * *

She'd been in the break room at the precinct, waiting for her peach tea to finish heating in the microwave. Castle had stepped out for a minute to take a phone call from Black Pawn to finalize details for his book tour. He had no idea how it happened so fast, but when he walked back into the break room Kate's face was pale, drained of color and her knuckles were blanched white as she gripped the counter a little too tightly.

He'd rushed to her, held her up as her body buckled and threatened to send her crumpling to the floor. She took ragged breaths against him, managed to breath out one word that had him lifting her in to his arms and rushing her down the hall from the break room.

Bathroom.

He thought she was feeling sick, another wave of morning sickness overcoming her body, but as he waited outside the bathroom, her strangled cry had him rushing passed the door and into the stall where she sat trembling.

He saw it as he helped her stand, the blood that had pooled there, the reason she was so upset. The rush of fear threatened to paralyze him, but he managed to get her pants up and help her out of the bathroom, choosing to lift her in his arms once they got to the elevator.

He gave one nod to the boys and with worried glances they had walked into the captain's office to let her know what was going on.

Castle opted for a taxi instead of driving, unwilling to let Kate out of his arms. She trembled against him, but the tears that fell down her cheeks, soaking through the crimson button up shirt he wore, broke his heart.

Three hours later she was lying in that bed, hooked up to several machines and resting comfortably. She had refused to let go of his hand, whimpered when he tried to move away from her, scared that he was crowding her in the too small bed. Only when she had finally drifted to sleep did he move from the bed, taking his phone into the hall so that he could update the precinct and let Black Pawn know that he needed to change his flight.

He thought he had been doing a pretty good job of making sure she ate enough, but when the doctor had told him that her sugar had dropped, he began to question if she was eating the right things. And then they found out she was dehydrated and he wondered again if he'd been supplying her with enough to drink while she was at work.

As far as the bleeding, the doctor had informed them that it was normal. Their increased sexual activity had caused contact with her cervix which triggered the bleeding and therefore was no cause for concern. After informing them that Kate would likely experience this again if they continued to have frequent sex, the doctor smiled and left them alone.

Their baby was perfectly fine.

Kate had been admitted for the night, hooked up to an IV so she could get the fluids she needed.

Her journal sat at home on the nightstand, its contents waiting to be read, but Castle had been unwilling to leave her.

He's pulled from his thoughts when he hears her voice, soft and raspy, yet calling for him.

* * *

"Hey," he whispers, walking over to the bed and sitting at her hip.

"Hey," she rasps, reaching for his hand and tangling their fingers together.

"How are you feeling?"

"Mm, better. I want to go home," she answers, sitting up even as he tries to ease her back.

"Okay, I'll let the doctor know. Don't try to get up yet, Kate."

But as he starts to stand she squeezes his hand, keeps him in place so that she can tell him something.

"I know that our baby is okay, but this is why I was upset that you told Gina. If something happens, the more people that know the harder it will be to tell them."

"Kate, nothing is going to happen to our baby."

"You don't know that, Rick. I'm sorry that I got so upset with you. I know you only told her so that she would understand why you wanted to stay here with me instead of going on tour, and I appreciate that, I do. I just want to be cautious with who we tell, keep it to our immediate family for as long as we can."

"Kate, we already had make-up sex for this fight, remember?" he asks with a smirk, but squeezes her hand at the same time to let her know that he understands what she's saying. "I promise that I won't tell anyone else until you're ready, okay?"

"Okay," she nods, smirking when she thinks about the very intense make-up sex they had in the storage closet at the precinct and then she's nudging him to let him know that he can go find her doctor.

* * *

Gates gives her the rest of the day off as well, informs her to get some rest and take care of herself.

So she lets Castle make her dinner while she rests on the couch, lets him run her a bath and tell stories about when Alexis was a baby. Then she takes him to bed and hands him her journal, knowing that her next entry is perfect for the day they had.

* * *

_July 8__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I had a dream last night, but for the first time since you went missing, it wasn't a nightmare. I dreamed of a dark haired, blue-eyed, baby. He had your eyes and my nose. He was beautiful and I found myself looking for him even after I woke. _

_I don't believe in signs, but that little boy was our baby, Castle. I want him. _

_I guess that makes today's hope for our future pretty obvious. I can't wait to have kids with you. _

_I remember the night that you whispered your desire for having a son into the quietness of our bedroom. _

_I want to give you that son._

* * *

Castle eases the book back into its place on the nightstand and then he wraps his wife in his arms.

"Do you think we're having a boy?" he asks, reaching up to tuck a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"Yes, I do. I don't know how I know that, but I just have this feeling."

"Should we celebrate?" he asks, tracing his fingers down her sides, grinning when she shivers against him.

"You know I could be wrong, right?" she responds, rocking her hips against him when his fingers slip below the waist of her pants.

"When have you ever been wrong?"

She rolls her eyes, but her grin gives her away, letting him know that he's said the right thing.

"You're pretty smooth, you know that?"

He slips his hand further, letting it brush against her. "Do you want to celebrate or not?"

He circles his finger, once, twice, and she melts against him.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you again for the continued support of this story. Your reviews make me smile! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Castle manages to delay his flight as long as he can, spending most of the day with Kate. She's clingy and he's equally as needy as she is, neither willing to leave the other's side for more than a few minutes. It's unusual for Kate to be that way, but he finds that the longer they're together the more affectionate she becomes. And after a lifetime of pain and losing people that she loves, she seems to have adopted a waste no time with the ones you love philosophy.

He makes sure she has everything she needs, probably more than enough because it's not as if she couldn't go get something if she needs it. She's not even showing yet and he's treating her as if she's about to pop their kid out tomorrow.

He leaves her with a promise to call every night and a hope that the week passes quickly. She lets him leave with a promise to take care of herself and their growing child while he's gone.

He doesn't see her tears as he drives away. She holds in the majority of them until she gets back inside the loft. She has become a sap when it comes to Castle, but she loves that man more than words could ever express.

She tells herself that it's only a week, that talking to him every night will make the days pass quickly. And then pleads with the little one that's nestled safely inside her, asks him to stay safe and healthy in there, especially while his daddy is away. She doesn't know how she knows, but she has no doubt that it's their son she's talking to.

* * *

Castle misses her as soon as she disappears from his sight, and he has to fight the urge to insist on canceling the rest of the tour. It doesn't matter how long it's been since he was missing from her life for two months. It doesn't matter that he doesn't remember anything about those two months other than knowing deep down inside that he missed her. Being away from Kate is hard on both of them, and he's not sure how long it will take for that aching memory to fade to a dull, less heartbreaking pain.

He signs books for what feels like days, putting on a happy façade for the hundreds of fans that line up outside the bookstore. He personalizes them all, looks at his fans while they tell him how much they adore his books, but all he thinks about is Kate.

And the moment he makes it back to his hotel room, day one of being away from her finally coming to an end, he goes straight to his bag and pulls out her journal, and gets lost in the words of the woman he loves more than life itself.

* * *

_July 9__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_Work has been complete hell this week. I chased a suspect down ten flights of stairs, rolled him onto the ground and wrestled him into handcuffs because I wasn't about to let the sonofabitch get away. I've always been determined to get the bad guys and justice for the victim's families. But ever since you went missing, I have this renewed determination to take every asshole in this city down. _

_If I can't get justice for you right now, then I'll get it for others until I find you. _

_And when I do find you, the people who took you better hope they have a damn good plan, because getting justice for you will be at the top of my list. I didn't stop when my mom was murdered and I'm getting you back alive, but I still won't stop until I know that they have paid for what they've done to you—to us. _

_My right shoulder is throbbing, and I know there's a bruise forming on my ribs and it makes me miss your hands. There are many, many amazing things that your talented hands can do to me, and I'd list them here, but then this book would become something that I have to hide in the future. So tonight I'm missing your massages. I miss the way your fingers dig into the sore knots underneath my skin and work them out until I'm relaxed and the relief washes through me._

_You never hesitate to take care of me and I think I've taken advantage of that. _

_I can't wait to have you home, in this huge bed with me. I can't wait to melt into the sheets while you work every bit of stress and pain from my body with the strength of your hands. I can't wait to be wrapped so tight in your arms afterward that I can hardly breathe, because you know I won't move away. I'll lay there, smothered from the heat of your body and I'll beg you to never let me go. And you won't._

* * *

His phone is in his hand the second he closes her book. The ache in his heart only growing after reading her words and knowing he can't go to her and wrap her in his arms.

She answers on the first ring, trying to sound like she's fine, but he hears the hints of sadness in her voice, knows how hard it is on her to be away from him. It might be different if they had caught the men who took him, but they have no leads and he knows that both of them are always wondering if at some point they'll take him again.

So he reassures her that everything is okay, reminds her that they only have six more days apart. And then he promises to wrap her in his arms the moment her gets home, promises to use his hands to work the stress from her body.

And he promises to never let her go.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Have I mentioned how much I love you all?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

_**This chapter is a little steamier than the others, but it's still a T rating.**_

* * *

Day two of Castle's book tour seems to drag on much longer than the first. It doesn't help that he has to be there the entire today and paste on a continuous smile for his fans. Every time he tries to pull out his phone and send Kate a text Gina shoots him a glare and allows more people through the line.

He can feel his phone vibrate multiple times from where it rests in the front pocket of his shirt, and he has no doubt that the texts are from Kate. He knows she caught a case this morning, but that's all the detail he was able to get from her before he was whisked off to a cab.

He can't help but think back to her journal entry from the night before. He knows she wouldn't tackle a suspect and put their baby and herself in danger, but what if the suspect got to her first? He tries to ignore those thoughts, tries to replace them with positive thoughts of the woman he loves, but deep down he still worries about her.

At least if he was with her he could have her back.

He finally manages to sneak a look at his phone when Gina steps out to take a call, and then he kind of wishes he had waited.

He can picture Kate, sitting at her desk in the precinct, phone hidden beneath the privacy of her desk while she works on paperwork. She probably has one hand pressed over her mouth to hide the smirk that threatens to bloom into a wicked smile. And he knows the way her eyes will dart around, checking to see if anyone is watching her, but secretly hoping someone is, because she's a bit of an exhibitionist sometimes.

He scrolls through her messages, eyes widening with each one and he's thankful that the table he's seated at hides the evidence of what his wife does to him.

Her last message, the most recent one which came through only minutes ago, has him desperate to finish the day, wishing that he was going home to her at the end.

_I can't stop thinking about your hands._

_I'm ninety-nine percent sure that I'm soaked through my pants and I hate it, because I know you won't be there to enjoy it when I get home._

_God, I want you._

Fuck. He wants her too.

* * *

He practically sprints out of the book store, ignoring a few lingering fans as he goes and he should feel bad for it, but he needs to get back to his hotel room and take care of the problem his extremely naughty wife has created.

He grabs his laptop as he plops on to the bed, reaches for her journal as he leans back and gets comfortable.

Kate won't be home for another hour and he plans to keep her on skype for quite a while so he flips to her next journal entry and lets her words help pass the time.

* * *

_July 10__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I need you. _

_And yes, in that I miss you so much and I just need to be in your arms kind of way, but tonight there's another need. _

_I had to interview a suspect today in front of that club you took me to right after we officially got together. The one where—well you know. _

_I had to ask the man to repeat what he said twice and it wasn't because he was hard to understand. _

_I kept remembering that night. _

_I had on that red dress that you love, the strapless one that borders on indecent. _

_Your hands were on me the entire night, touching, groping, rubbing._

_That was the first night that I let you see a different side of me. _

_You whispered in my ear, dirty, hot words painting across my sensitive skin and I knew that I couldn't wait until we got home to have you._

_I let you press me against the wall in the back of the club, and then you turned me into a panting, sated mess. At least until we stumbled out to the cab and you crowded me against the door, hand trailing up the inside of my thigh and I needed you all over again._

_I couldn't get enough of you that night. I've never been able to get enough of you._

_My body burns at the memory of your touch, and I'd give anything to feel you right now._

_Where the hell are you, Castle?_

_I have far too many plans for you and our adventurous sex life for this to be the end._

_This isn't the end._

_You're coming home._

* * *

Kate's skype call comes through before he can call her. The vivid memory she painted of that night in the club still alive in his mind.

She's smirking when her face pops up on his screen, and there are a few words of I miss you and some whispers of love, but then words are too much.

The call ends with harsh breathing and promises of dirty things.

And all Castle can think about is how five days seems more like years.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you so much for your continued support. I could never thank you enough.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Due to traveling and crazy schedules that are the complete opposite of Kate's, Castle misses both of her calls throughout the day. He does manage to check his voicemails, ensuring that she's just called to talk to him and not because something is wrong. By the time he makes it back to his new hotel room, takes a shower and finally gets some food into his system, it's entirely too late to call her back. And as much as he wants to hear her voice, he can't bring himself to wake her up, not when she's carrying their child and he knows she needs as much sleep as she can get.

He sighs in defeat, pulls her name up on his phone and types out a text for her to wake up to, then he pulls her journal from the side pocket of his suitcase and sinks down on the large couch in the center of the room.

_So sorry that I missed your calls, today was crazy. Only four more days. I promise to call you as soon as I get a chance tomorrow._

_I love you._

He secretly hopes that she'll respond when he hits send, but that would mean that she isn't sleeping well while he's gone and that's the last thing he wants. So instead, he lets the words she wrote in a small book while he was missing from her lifewrap him in the hope that she held on to.

* * *

_July 11__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I had to get away today. Away from the constant looks of sorrow and sympathy. Away from the questions that people very loudly aren't asking. Away from the questions that I keep asking myself, but have no answers for._

_Honestly, I don't even remember driving here, but I suddenly found myself standing in front of my mother's headstone and now I can't bring myself to leave._

_It's been peaceful actually, sitting here, talking to her about everything that's threatening to break me apart. She can't answer me, can't give me the advice that I so desperately long for, but in a way I think it's exactly what I needed._

_For once someone didn't have something to say back to every fear I expressed. There was no offer of hope, no dismissal of the negatives, no promise of outcome, just silence._

_And for the first time since you disappeared, I feel a sense of peace that I can't even explain. My mom always was a great listener, funny that even with her gone; she's still the best, aside from you._

_I know that I've never asked you to come here with me before, but I would love to bring you the next time I come. Because getting to bring you here, getting to sit and talk to my mom as if we're having Sunday brunch, seated around the dinner table with her, it would mean that you're home and alive. It would mean the world to me._

_I feel better now. I know your mom and Alexis are probably worried, so I'll head home soon. I just need a little more time to just be. A little more time to remind myself that there's still hope._

_Wherever you are, I hope you know how much I love you._

* * *

He can't help but wonder why she hasn't brought this particular entry up since he returned home. He knows she was saving her journal to give him as a gift, but she still hasn't asked him to go to the cemetery with her. Maybe she was waiting for him to read the entry, waiting until he had the chance to feel what she was feeling on that particular day.

There's only one thing he knows for certain, the list of things they need to catch up on when he gets home continues to grow.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm back on twitter now! I hope you're all still enjoying this!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Castle finally gets time to call Kate right before his next book signing starts. When she answers she sounds out of breath and his initial reaction is to slightly panic.

"Kate, what's wrong?" he asks, stepping into the hallway of the library he's signing at so that he can hear her better.

"Nothing is wrong, Babe. I was doing some yoga."

"Oh," he breathes into the phone, relieved that she's okay but disappointed that he isn't there to watch. Watching Kate Beckett do yoga is one of his favorite things.

"Disappointed you're missing out?" she asks, laughing into the phone when he groans his answer.

"I'll make it up to you," she whispers, lowering her voice into that sultry, wicked tone that he loves.

"I can't wait," he answers, grinning like an idiot.

"I missed talking to you yesterday," she admits, shifting the phone to her other ear so that she can finish stretching the left side of her body.

"I miss you too. Only three more days though."

He calculates the date in his head but stops short when he realizes what day he's going to miss with her.

"Kate, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I completely forgot."

She hums into the phone, standing to get her bottle of water off the kitchen counter. "I know, it's okay. We'll just celebrate when you get home, Castle."

"No," he groans into the phone, "it's not okay. I can't believe I forgot."

"Castle, stop it. We've been together long enough that celebrating a Valentine's Day a little later than the actual day isn't a big deal."

He shakes his head even though she can't see it, mentally planning how he can make it up to her, because spending the day set aside for celebrating those you love the most away from her isn't okay.

He hears his name being called and turns to find Gina tapping her watch.

"Kate, I have to go. I'll call you as soon as I get back to the hotel, okay? I love you."

"I love you too, Babe. Talk to you soon."

* * *

He's thankful for an easy, quick day of signing which allows him to put his plan in motion. He opts to read her next entry before calling her, letting her words pass the time a little easier.

* * *

_July 12__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_Today was terrible. _

_On top of catching another case, and still working yours, I barely got any sleep because of these damn nightmares._

_I would give anything to dream about you as long as it was something happy._

_But it seems that as soon as I turn out the lights and close my eyes, it's a welcome invitation for all of the things that could have happened to you to flood my dreams._

_Usually when I have a nightmare, you wake me up with soothing whispers and gentle hands, pull me close and lull me back into a dreamless, pleasant sleep._

_I miss the comfort that only you bring._

_I can't wait to have you home, to sleep beside you, to have you here to chase away the nightmares when they come. _

_I know I already wrote to you about dreams, but these are the kinds of nightmares that I wouldn't wish on anyone. _

_And only you can flood that darkness with light. _

_Come home. Prove to me that none of those terrible things have happened to you. _

_I love you._

* * *

He loves her entries that are filled with hope, filled with the fighting strength that she possesses so much of. But entries like this tear at his heart, make him ache for all of the pain she's been through in her life.

He's even more confident that he's made the right decision now.

Kate deserves a Valentine's Day with constant reminders of love.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: One year ago today, I lost my grandma. She chose to leave us and join my grandpa on the day of love, and it was just another testament to their amazing love story. I miss her so much.**

**I hope that you have all enjoyed your Valentine's Day and have spent it with the ones you love. Make every day matter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

As soon as the sun begins to rise, bathing the city in light and casting a brilliant glow into the room, Castle sets his plan in motion and prepares for the day.

He may have convinced Kate that he forgot Valentine's Day, but that was only part of his plan. The main goal is to keep her convinced for most of the day.

* * *

Kate groans when her phone rings insistently from where it rests on the nightstand by the bed. It's her day off and she's not on call so the ungodly hour and the rude awakening have her grumbling an array of curses as she reaches for the device.

"Beckett," she slurs into the phone, voice gravelly with sleep and dripping with annoyance.

"Good morning, Darling," Martha singsongs into the phone, brightening Kate up a bit with her cheery tone.

"Martha?" Kate questions, unsure as to why her Mother-in-law is calling her at such an early hour when she more than like did the walk of shame not too long ago.

"I know it's early, but Spa Bliss gets swamped later in the day. It will be much more relaxing if we go now so I already called and booked us. I called Richard's car service and they're on the way to pick me up then we'll swing by and get you."

Kate pulls her phone away from her ear to check the time. Six a.m. is a ridiculous time to be going to a spa. but the protesting muscles in her back as she twists in an awkward angle to get up have the idea growing on her. She just needs some tea and a few minutes to pull herself together.

"I just need to do a few things –"

"Nonsense, dear. Whatever you need to do can wait until later. See you in a few."

The beeping that registers in her ear lets her know that Martha has ended the call, meaning she gets no say in the matter. It looks like her Valentine's Day won't be lazy or lonely after all.

* * *

She's whisked into what she imagines is every room inside the large spa where Martha has booked them. By the time they're finished she has no idea what all has been done to her body, but she feels ten times better and any complaint she might have had seems to have disappeared.

When they finally exit the building Kate is surprised to find that it's only noon. She expects Martha to suggest more plans, but as she looks up to see Alexis striding towards them, Martha bids them both a farewell, mumbling something about plans and multiple dates as she disappears down the sidewalk.

* * *

Alexis wraps Kate in a quick hug, reaches for her hand and begins tugging her down the street in the opposite direction of the loft.

"Where are we going?" she asks Alexis, wondering why her mother-in-law and step-daughter seem insistent on keeping her busy for the day. It's not as if she hasn't been alone since Castle left and she already told him she's perfectly fine celebrating the day when he gets home.

"I found this amazing restaurant around the corner, and the best part about it is it's right next to this amazing shop. I need to get a few things and I thought we could eat lunch and shop together?"

"Oh um, of course. That sounds great, Alexis."

"It's just, I feel like I never get to see you and Dad since I moved out. I know dad's on tour so I thought this was a perfect time to catch up with you."

Kate smiles and wraps her arm around the young girl's shoulders. She's more than happy to spend some time with her.

By the time she finishes lunch and shopping with Alexis she's longing for a nap. But even more then than she wants to talk to Castle and she wonders why she hasn't heard from him. He's had a sporadic schedule since he left for tour, but he always shoots her a text if he can't call.

She's about to bid Alexis goodbye and head home so that she can call him when her phone rings and the precinct's number flashes on the screen. Alexis gives her a quick hug and peck on the cheek, promising to see her soon before leaving her alone to answer the call.

"Beckett," she answers, trying to hide the slight annoyance in her tone at getting a call on her day off.

She surprised to find Gates on the other end.

"Kate, I know that it's your day off, but I need you for an undercover mission."

"Sir, I –"

"I know that we're keeping you out of the field in light of your pregnancy, but this is more of an observe and report mission."

She sighs, finding no real reason to turn the Captain down, especially since she has no other plans.

"Okay, text me the address and details."

* * *

An hour later she finds herself in the lobby of the Four Seasons hotel. She's supposed to be observing a man by the name of Wendell Gram, who's been frequenting the area. It's not usually part of her job description unless the suspect is related to a murder, but she knows the Captain wouldn't have called her unless it was important.

She perches herself at the bar, choosing a seat that allows her full view of the lobby of the hotel and though she can't drink it, she orders a drink for scotch measure. Then she reviews the description of the man she's looking for and waits.

She's uncomfortable and testy the next time she glances at her watch. Another hour and no sign of the man she's supposed to be observing. She's glancing at her phone for the fifteenth time, wishing that Castle would at least check in with her, when she feels a presence at her back, hears the warmth breath of the person who's way too close for comfort. But the moment she spins, ready to take out whoever it is, she gasps and drops her hand to her side.

"Castle?"

Who else would it be?

He steps in close, wraps his arms around her waist and draws her into the warmth of his body. She's stiff for only a moment before she melts into him, sighing in relief at the feel of him.

"You didn't really think that I forgot Valentine's Day and planned to let you spend it alone did you?"

She huffs against his neck before pulling back to look at him.

"You planned this didn't you? This entire day…"

He feigns surprise, but his smirk gives him away.

"Well, all of it but the flight delay. I had no intention of leaving you to sit here for so long."

She smacks his chest in a half-hearted attempt of annoyance. "I can't believe I've been sitting here looking for a suspect who doesn't exist."

Castle takes advantage of the angle of her head, leaning in the press his lips to hers.

"He doesn't, but I do," he breathes into her mouth, tracing his tongue over her bottom lip as she shivers against him.

"I missed you," she confesses, pressing a few more chaste kisses to his mouth.

"I missed you, too," he whispers, holding her a little tighter.

"Can we go home?" she asks, tracing her finger down the side of his face.

"Well, we could do that, or we could take advantage of the sweetheart suite I booked for us."

Her smile lights up the room, genuine and beautiful. Castle knows her answer without another word.

"Happy Valentine's Day." His words paint across her temple and her smile widens.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Castle. I love you."

"I love you, too." He takes her hand, leads her to their room and although there are many things he wants to do, the first is to press her against the mattress and remind her just how much he loves her.

And so he does just that.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you for all of the sweet notes and reviews on yesterday's chapter and for the sweet thoughts about my grandma! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

_**The end of this chapter is a strong T rating. **_

* * *

In spite of the amount of energy he used, Castle finds himself wide awake long after Kate has fallen asleep. He missed her and the idea of watching her sleeping peacefully next to him is far more appealing than sleeping. He traces his eyes over the lean lines of Kate's body, revels in how beautiful she really is.

She had pulled on his t-shirt after their third round and fallen asleep while whispering words of love to him.

He watches her until it becomes creepy, even for him and then he slips out of bed to pull her journal out of his bag.

* * *

_July 13__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_Before I met you and before we got together, my favorite thing to do after a long day of work was take a bath. Most nights I would come home, forego dinner in favor of a glass of wine and slip into a scalding hot bath. The hot water would sooth my tired muscles and in combination with the wine, it relaxed me better than anything else._

_I still love the comfort of a hot bath, especially in the ridiculously large bathtub in our bathroom, but after we got together, something else became my favorite thing to do after a long day of work._

_Yes, the word 'you' is a major part of this confession, but there's more to it._

_One night after a particularly long day working a hard case, you brought me back to the loft. We had only been dating for a few weeks. You led me straight to the bathroom and slowly undressed me as if I was your most sought out prize. You pressed a kiss to my temple and left me there for only a moment before returning with two glasses of wine. Even then you had already picked up on my habits._

_You handed me my glass, let me take a few sips and then took it away to set it on the sink. Then you undressed and led me into the shower. You washed my hair, your fingers slipping so tenderly over my scalp that I melted into you. Then you washed my body, taking great care to caress every inch of my skin. _

_And when I was thoroughly relaxed, the hot water soothing more than just the ache of my muscles, you pressed me against the wall of the shower, lifted my legs so that they wrapped around your waist and made me forget about anything but you and the feeling of how perfectly we fit together._

_I haven't stepped foot in our shower since you were taken. Instead, I come home every night and slip into our bathtub with my glass of wine and I lay there until the water turns cold and my fingers prune up. I let myself imagine that you're just in the kitchen, cooking us dinner and letting me do my thing. _

_I can't handle the shower because the phantom feel of your fingertips would bring me to my knees. _

_The shower is our thing, Babe. _

_When I find you and bring you home, the first thing I'm going to do is lead you into the shower and remind us both of all the perfect ways we fit together. I'll let the hot water sooth your muscles and together we'll let the steam wash away the pain._

* * *

Once again her words bring a wave of emotion that he can't fight back. He hates picturing her sitting in a bathtub full of cold water, refusing to use their shower because it reminds her too much of him.

He remains where he is on the small couch, letting her words run through his head and reminding himself that they got the happy ending.

It's sometime around five when he decides to take a shower, get himself ready for the day and the other surprise he has for her before she wakes up.

* * *

Kate wakes with a start to a quiet hotel room. She panics for a moment until she remembers where she is and why she's there. And remembering who she spent the night with has her grinning like an idiot. She rolls over in the large bed, expecting to find Castle, but she's met with empty, cold sheets.

She sits up, looking around to room for where her husband could have disappeared to, and after a moment of listening she hears the running water coming from the bathroom. She stretches her sore, tired muscles before standing from the bed. Castle did a very thorough job of making sure she felt loved last night.

She pulls his t-shirt off as she stalks towards the bathroom, dropping it by the door and slipping inside. Castle startles when she pulls open the stall door but the moment she steps inside he wraps his arms around her.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Castle," he singsongs, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek before leaning back to look at her.

"Mm, good morning," she replies, pressing her lips against his so that she can properly wish him good morning.

"How long have you been up?" she asks, nudging him further into the shower so that the hot spray of water covers them both.

"I uh, actually never went to sleep," he shrugs.

She frowns at him, shaking her head as she pushes her body closer, eliminating the small gap of space between them. She shivers in spite of the hot water when one of his hands drift down her hip to rest on her upper thigh and she knows he's going to lift her leg even before he actually does.

"So, you missed showers with me while I was gone?" he asks against the hollow of her throat where his lips are pressed.

She hums, rocking her hips against his in answer.

Castle takes the hint, pressing into her as he backs her into the far wall of the shower. She gasps against him, lifting her other leg to wrap them both around his waist.

"This is what you described in your journal entry. This is what you missed," he husks, hips snapping against hers with the force of his thrusts.

She moans the majority of her answer, fingers digging into his biceps. "Yes, yes, yes. This is what I missed. Couldn't take showers without you," she pants, legs tightening as he pushes her closer to the edge.

"Never again, Kate. Never again," he whispers, following her over the threshold of pleasure.

* * *

She's drying her hair when he comes back from getting their breakfast. She smiles at him when he steps into the bathroom to let her know he's back. She saunters into the room, dressed in only her purple bra and matching lace underwear, smirking as she slides into the chair opposite him.

She cuts into her pancakes, taking a bite and a large sip of coffee before she leans back in her chair and looks at him.

"How did you get Gates to go along with your little plan yesterday?"

He laughs, taking a sip of his own coffee before answering. "I wasn't sure she would go for it, but she said she's do anything to get you to stop moping around at work."

"I was not moping around," she protests, rolling her eyes when he laughs again.

"So, you weren't missing me at work?" he asks, taking a bite of his own pancakes.

"Of course I missed you, but I don't mope, especially when I'm at work."

'If you say so," he smirks.

She rolls her eyes again but her smile lingers.

"What time do you have to leave?" she asks a few moments later, finishing her last bite of pancake.

"Actually, I don't. I'm going to do the last two days here in the city. I can do a bigger tour after the baby comes. I'm all yours."

Her smile blooms across her face, like roses after a fresh summer rain and then she's pushing her chair away from the table and climbing into his lap.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" she asks between kisses.

"Hmm, yes. But feel free to show me," he replies, claiming her mouth in a deeper kiss and silencing the rest of her words.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I apologize for not updating yesterday. A tanker train derailed less then a mile from my house. It blew up the house it hit and then at least ten more tanks exploded throughout the day. They evacuated most of the area, but our area was not. However, they shut down the road since half of it burned so we weren't able to leave. The fire from the train singed all the power lines and the water was shut off due to crude oil spilling into the river. After spending the night freezing, my cousin made it to us and brought us to my sisters house where there is power and heat. Hopefully the water will be back tonight. I'm not sure when we'll be able to return home so I apologize in advance for anymore delays in posting on this. Thank you for your patience!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any of the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Ten minutes into the case they caught that morning and Kate is infinitely thankful to have Castle back home and with her. It's a gruesome crime scene, covered in enough blood to fill multiple bodies. Kate's never squeamish, but the blood combined with the scent of death has her doubling over seconds after she's stepped away for some air.

Castle catches her, pulling back her air as she empties the contents of her stomach onto the cement. Her face is pale when she finally straightens up, gripping his hand tightly to keep her balance. She gratefully accepts the bottle of water that someone hands to Castle to give her, taking large gulps as the color slowly returns to her face.

She hadn't been feeling well the day before, but she had felt fine when her phone rang early this morning. Castle had kept her in bed the entire day, nursed her back to health with the expertise of a father who has taken care of a sick child many times. She tries to tell herself that it's just that sickness lingering and not a side effect of being pregnant that's going to affect her job from here on out.

"Kate, if you need to go home I'm sure Gates will understand, Espo and I can handle this one."

Kate shakes her head at Ryan, refusing to go home and it's no surprise to any of the men who know her.

"No. It's just the smell, I'll be fine once we get to the precinct," she answers, already heading towards her car.

She sways slightly before she gets there, but Castle is quick to step up beside her, gripping her arm to steady her as she walks. He's surprised when she willingly hands him her keys, slipping into the passenger seat without fuss.

"Just in case," she shrugs, laying her head back against the head rest as Castle starts the car and heads towards the precinct.

"Kate, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Castle." She doesn't lift her head, but finds his hand, tangles their fingers and squeezes for reassurance.

Castle makes a quick stop on the way, coming back out with a large cup of her favorite tea and a bagel since she lost most of her breakfast at the crime scene. Kate offers him a thankful smile, taking a bite of her bagel almost immediately.

* * *

She makes it through lunchtime before the nauseous feeling returns and then she's sprinting from the break room to the bathroom. Castle waits outside the door for her, calling her name to make sure she's okay. She tries to play it off when she opens the door, but he knows her tells, knows that work is the last place she needs to be right now.

"Kate," he tries, reaching a hand out to steady her as she tries to brush past him, but almost loses her footing. "This isn't just from being pregnant, I think you have a touch of the flu. Let me take you home, please."

She frowns, considering arguing with him, but another wave hits her and her head starts to spin and she's gripping him hard as everything around her loses focus.

"Okay, okay. Take me home."

After letting Gates know what's going on, Castle helps Kate to the car, worry rolling off of him when she continue to grow paler. He eases her into the passenger seat, kissing her on the cheek before rounding to his side.

She's even more fatigued by the time he gets her home, equipped with all things needed for flu care, thanks to Alexis, who met them at the door. By the time he helps her into the bed, she's shivering in spite of the warm room. Once he has her tucked in and comfortable, her long lashes brushing her cheeks as she drifts in and out of consciousness, he places her phone beside her on the bed before tiptoeing quietly out of the room.

He starts a pot of his famous home-made chicken noodle soup, bringing his laptop to the bar so that he can keep an eye on the soup while he checks his emails. He spots her journal in his bag as he pulls the laptop out and remembering that he missed out on reading it the night before, he sets his laptop to the side, opening the black book and turning to the next entry he needs to read.

He's found it ironic that most nights her entries seem to match up with something that's going on at the time. It seems this one is no different.

* * *

_July 14__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I'm sorry._

_I know you're out there somewhere, counting on me, waiting for me to find you._

_I haven't stopped looking, I swear I haven't, but I had to miss work today. Normally, if I missed I would still be here, combing through files and looking for something I've missed, but I just couldn't today._

_I'm sick. I never get sick and the one time I need to be at the top of my game, doing everything I can to find you, I manage to get the stomach virus. It's after eleven and the house is dark so Martha and Alexis must be in bed. I think this is the first time I've lifted my head from the pillow all day other than the times I leaned over the trash can._

_I made no progress today and I still feel like shit. _

_I've only been sick once or twice since we got together, but you were the perfect nurse. I thought your hovering would drive me crazy and I might have been a little testy, but I was so thankful to have you during those times. _

_You're the sweetest, caring man and I love you so much._

_I'd give anything to have you here right now, even if it was just to lay with me. You'd wrap your arms around me, let the warmth of your body sooth me and hold me until I felt better. And I know this sounds crazy, but I know if you were here I would get better ten times faster._

_I don't look forward to more sickness, but I do look forward to a future of nurturing each other back to health. If I have to be sick, there's no one I'd rather have by my side. _

_I'll pull myself together as soon as possible, Rick, and then I'll find you._

* * *

He hears her calling just as he closes the book, the thoughts of her sick and lonely still rolling through his mind. She hasn't been asleep long and he wants her to rest so he stirs the soup and grabs a bottle of water before heading to the bedroom.

"Hey," he whispers as he slips into their room, walking over to her side of the bed and easing down so that his knee nudges her hip.

He hands her the bottle of water, smiling when she drinks almost half of it.

"I thought you would sleep a little longer, I have some soup on the stove but it's not quite ready yet."

She sets the water on the table by the bed, letting her head fall back against her pillow.

"I can wait a little longer, but soup does sound good. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it down."

"I hope so," he answers, reaching out to feel her head.

"You have a temperature," he concludes, standing just as she reaches for his arm.

"I'm going to get you some Tylenol."

"Will you come lay with me then? I sleep better when you're here."

He smiles, remembering her words from her journal.

"Of course I will. Let me get your Tylenol and turn the soup on simmer."

He returns to find her almost asleep again but manages to get her to take the medicine before he settles in beside her. She hums when he presses himself against her, letting his arm drape over her so that his hand can rest on her belly.

"I'm glad you're here, Castle," she confesses, voice heavy with sleep and he knows it's only seconds before she's out.

"In sickness and in health, right?"

She turns in his arms, face pressing against his chest and he can't bring himself to care about the fact that he could get sick. He'd rather be sick in bed with Kate then live a life without her any day.

"Always," she breathes against his skin, and then her breathing evens out, sleep pulling her under.

"Always," he whispers back, thankful for the lifetime they have to make all of her hopes a reality.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Managed to get this one edited early today. We might get to go back home tonight, power and water is being restored! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

_**This chapter contains some steamy, fun Caskett moments. It's still only a strong T rating, but I wanted to give you a little warning.**_

* * *

Castle's chicken noodle soup combined with lots of rest and cuddling has Kate feeling much better the next morning. A whole evening spent in bed with her husband was heaven, if only she'd been able to take advantage of all the extra alone time they had.

Castle already has her mug of tea and some toast ready for her when she emerges from the bedroom, showered, dressed and ready for a new day. The boys had emailed her case updates and had a suspect in custody waiting on her.

She leans up on her toes to kiss Castle good morning as he hands over her mug.

"Feeling better?" he asks, keeping her close a second longer before he lets her step away.

"Much, thanks to my excellent nurse," she winks, leaning in to kissing him again because she missed out on his kisses yesterday.

"Good, I think you just needed some extra rest."

She smiles, nodding her head as she rounds the counter to slip her shoes on. "Rest did make me feel refreshed, but I would have much rather put our time in bed to better use," she states, slipping on her coat and smirking at him.

"Well, now that you're feeling better, perhaps we should make up for that lost time, tonight?"

"Mm, that sounds like a plan," she hums, crooking her finger so that he'll follow her out the door.

Kate's on fire when she interrogates their suspect, breaking him almost immediately and though he isn't their killer, he rolls on his buddy. They have a bit of trouble finding him, but by the end of the day, Ryan and Espo track him down and haul him in.

And the smirk on Kate's face when they exit the room, case closed and only paperwork to file, tells Castle that he's going to have an energetic evening.

* * *

To his surprise, she doesn't jump him as soon as they walk in the door of the loft; instead she kisses his cheek and shimmies past him, wiggling her hips more than usual as she saunters to their bedroom.

He starts cooking the spaghetti he promised her, turning on water to boil as he chops tomatoes for the sauce. But when she slips back into the kitchen, hand palming his ass when she steps up behind him, his jaw nearly hits the counter when he gets a good look at her.

She's wearing the lingerie he got her for Valentine's day a few years ago, a black leather corset dress that pushes her bust line ridiculously high and barely covers the toned curves of her backside.

"Oh god, Kate. How am I supposed to cook dinner with you prancing around in that?"

She smirks, stepping away from his grabby hands when he reaches for her. "No touching, dinner first."

"You really are feeling better, huh?"

"I figured it was about time I wore this for you, and I'd like to keep it on more than a few seconds before you rip it off me. You know how much I like leather," she teases, voice low and sultry and dripping with arousal.

He swallows thickly, forcing himself to concentrate on finishing the spaghetti sauce because he knows if he continues to look at her that the sauce will burn, the water will boil over and they'll never make it to the bedroom before he rips the leather from her glorious body.

He manages to finish dinner, in spite of her constant teasing and wondering hands, but by the time they've finished eating, her foot is pressed dangerously high on his thigh and the smirk on her face continues to grow.

He doesn't even bother to take their dishes to the dish washer, he just lets her stand from the table and then he grabs her waist and hauls her onto the counter, pressing himself between her legs as their lips connect roughly.

"You're such a damn tease," he growls into her mouth, flicking his tongue over her bottom lip.

She pushes him back with both hands to his chest, jumps from the counter and slips past him, her melodious laugh filling the loft.

"Read my next entry first, and then meet me in the bedroom. And Castle?"

"Yeah?" he gulps, eyes completely focused on the long lines of her legs as she dances away from him.

"Don't keep me waiting too long."

He rushes to grab her journal off his desk, glancing into the bedroom as he turns to the next page.

Kate's perched on the bed, body posed and waiting for him and he feels his pants tighten as he squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on her words.

* * *

_July 15__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_You know that one thing that we've talked about trying in the bedroom but never have before?_

_Except for that unexpected time on that first night…_

_I dreamed about it last night. _

_I woke sweating and burning for you, ridiculously aroused and desperate for your touch._

_All I can say is, in my dream, that thing we wanted to try? It was glorious. I've never felt that much pleasure before, and it felt so real that I can only imagine the real thing._

_When you get home, we're trying it. Because I know if I loved it that much in my dream, that the real thing is going to blow our minds. _

_I love that you love my slightly kinky side, and there's no one else I'd rather explore things with than you._

* * *

Oh hell. Kate wants to try something new tonight. That one thing they've discussed but never tried before.

Well, other than the first night they slept together, and he hadn't even realized she'd done it until his breathing returned to normal and he took in her wide eyed expression. She'd asked him the next morning if he liked that part and he'd been quick to reassure her that he had.

He leaves her journal on the desk and rushes into the bedroom, shedding his clothes and straddling her body, desperate hands mapping her slender frame.

"So you want me to –"

"Yeah," she nods, excitement and a hint of naughtiness dancing in her eyes.

"You're so hot," he breathes, sliding down her body, leather whispering against his skin and causing goose bumps to form on her own.

"Only for you, Babe."

That rest they got the night before? It helps them tremendously the next morning when they roll into the precinct, tired, sore and thoroughly sated, at least until they fall into bed the next night. And that new thing she wanted to try? Yeah, it's something they'll definitely be doing more often, only he'll have to buy her a new leather piece to wear.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you so much for your continued support! Still smiling over here! Also, warm and comfortable in my own home, yay!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

_July 19__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I sat in your office today, in your high-backed comfy chair, at the desk you always write at. I sat there and I closed my eyes and you know what I felt?_

_You._

_You were right there in the moment with me, checking your email, plotting Nikki Heat, procrastinating._

_I breathed deep for the first time since you went missing and when I let out that breath I still felt you. _

_I would have given anything to open my eyes and see you there. I would have loved for you to catch me in your chair, wearing only your large red t-shirt that I've claimed as my own. You would lift me from the chair and then sit down with me in your lap. You would take advantage of my exposed thighs, running your hands up until…_

_Well, you know the rest._

_As I sat in your chair, your lingering scent washing over me in the calmness of the room. I listened to Martha and Alexis chatting. I heard the comfort of a grandmother and the joy of a granddaughter, even in the midst of the pain. _

_And I got to thinking, one day we'll have kids. And then those kids will grow up and they'll have kids. Alexis will have kids, and we'll be grandparents._

_And those grand-kids will come to us and they'll draw comfort and laughter from spending time with us. They'll have us wrapped around their fingers and we'll love every second of it._

_We'll be older, more experienced, but you know what else?_

_We'll be happy because we've lived a happy, fulfilling life, and our days will be spent surrounded by those we love._

_So, I can't wait to have kids with you, Castle, because when those kids grow up, we get grand-kids._

* * *

Castle closes the small black book, placing it in the drawer of his desk and smiling.

He missed her words the last few days, but Kate's been keeping him rather busy. Work has been crazy enough, but when they get home, she thoroughly exhausts him.

He only managed to sneak away tonight after a happily sated Kate had passed out on her side in the middle of the bed after a rather adventurous round. His stomach reminded him that they missed most of their dinner and he'd crept away to the kitchen to satisfy his hunger. But he'd caught a glimpse of her journal as he slipped through his office and he'd found himself drawn to it, turning to the next page and settling in his chair to read it.

He stretches, smiling when he thinks about her entry, about what she was imagining before she switched into G mode and wrote about the grandchildren that she wants someday.

She never ceases in surprising him, it's just another thing that he loves about her.

His stomach growls, reminding him of the reason he got up and he eases from the chair, making a mental note to convince Kate that his office needs some of the attention she described in her entry.

And those grandchildren she wants, well they already have a head start, though they get to enjoy being parents for a while first, unless Alexis surprises them.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: To everyone who's been a friend, a confidant and a supporter: Thank you for everything. I heart you all.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Castle lets his question slide for most of the day, partly due to the fact that Kate's in such a good mood. Their rambunctious evenings have balanced her other pregnancy emotions and he can't bring himself to ruin the high she's on.

They make it out of the precinct at a decent time and he's surprised when Kate actually suggests going out for dinner, especially since her usual idea is skipping dinner for their bed.

He takes her to Remy's because it's her favorite and she's hinted about strawberry milkshakes several times throughout the day. They satisfy their hunger with a cheeseburger, fries and a large strawberry shake.

* * *

When they make it back to the loft Castle suggests a long, hot bath to end their evening. Kate agrees, shedding her clothes and dropping them into the hamper in the corner of the room while he runs the water and adds her favorite bath salts.

He brushes a soft kiss to her bare shoulder as he slips past her, dropping his own clothes into the hamper as Kate eases into the bathtub.

She sits forward when he steps up to the tub, allowing him to settle in behind her and wrap her in the warmth of his arms. He holds her there, enjoying the comforting silence while he thinks of a way to broach the subject.

* * *

He finally decides to just ask her, knowing that the openness they've adapted into their relationship will allow Kate to tell him the things he wants to know.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?" she hums, relaxed and happy against his chest.

"I read your next entry last night after you fell asleep."

"Oh, which one was it?" she asks, tone showing no indication of knowing which entry he read, though she's remembered each one up until now.

"You were sitting in my office chair, apparently in only that red t-shirt of mine that you love. And you mentioned kids and grandkids," he answers, wet fingers tracing the soft skin on her stomach.

"Oh. Yeah, I was um, listening to Martha and Alexis. They were so good for each other while you were gone."

"They've always been a great team. I'm glad they had each other, and you during that time."

"They didn't really have me, Castle," she says, voice quiet with the memory of those painful months.

"Is that why you skipped three days in the journal?" he asks, tightening his arms around her.

"Yes," she whispers, choking on the tears that clog her throat.

"I wrote hopeful things in that book, Castle, but I wasn't always hopeful during the day. I tried, but the longer you were missing the harder it got."

Castle presses his lips to her temple, lets her feel his presence, and reminds her that she got through those days even if they were hard.

"Tell me about those three days?"

She shifts, turning her body so that she can look at him while she talks and reaching for his hand, tangles their fingers together for an anchor while she delves into the painful past.

"I just couldn't take it anymore. The evidence kept pointing to you walking away and no one at the precinct wanted to believe anything else. I left in the middle of the day, stormed out. I couldn't bring myself to go to the loft, couldn't look at your mother and daughter's faces and tell them I had nothing new."

Her head dips, tears streaking down her cheeks and Castle lifts a hand to her chin, raises her face and forces her to look at him.

She pauses to take him in, to anchor herself to the present.

"I went to my apartment and I stayed there. I called the precinct, told Gates I needed a few days and then I buried myself in your case. I stood in front of the window that once held my mother's murder board and I stared at your picture and begged the universe to cut me a break."

"Kate –" he breathes, reaching out to catch a tear as it cascades down her cheek.

She takes a deep breath, offers him a smile and continues.

"I think I stood there for the majority of the three days. I didn't sleep, because when I wasn't in front of that board, I was breaking down, curled in a ball in the corner of my couch. I lost my hope those three days, Castle. I lost it and I'm sorry."

She breaks down then, sobs wracking her entire frame as she collapses forward into the wall of his chest. He holds her tight, soothes her as she cries out the lingering pain and memories.

When she's quieted down, only soft whimpers filling the room, he eases her away from his chest, lifting a hand to cup her cheek.

"Kate, you have nothing to apologize for. I don't know how you did it. You had every right break down."

"I shouldn't have ran though. Your family needed me."

"They understood, Kate."

She's quiet for a minute, contemplative.

"When I finally went back to the loft, I had to sit in that chair in your office. It's the only place that your scent, your presence still lingered. It was the first time that I felt you since you'd went missing. And it calmed me, allowed me the peace I needed to regroup."

"And you did regroup. You found your strength and you carried on, just like you always do."

"I got lucky," she whispers, "some people who are put in the same situation as I was have to give up their happy ending."

He kisses her, long and hard and a little possessively.

"I told you, Kate, never giving up."

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

_He's running, little legs carrying him over the roots and stumps, arms flailing to keep his balance. He has to get away, has to tell someone what he saw._

_Push Ricky, run faster._

_He's almost out, can see the clearing at the edge of the woods. He just needs that final push to make it back to his house, to make it to safety._

_He lifts his legs over the branches, clears the stumps until one larger one catches his footing, and sends him spiraling to the ground. He rolls, tries to push himself up but he hears the footsteps quickly approaching, knows he's not getting out without dealing with this first._

_He's only a child, he shouldn't have witnessed what he just saw in the woods, he just wants to forget._

_He pushes himself up just as a large hand closes around his arm and his screams are muffled, unheard._

* * *

Castle jolts awake, covered in sweat and breathing as if he's really just been running like hell through a sea of trees and darkness.

He hasn't had that dream in years, hasn't thought about that day since he went to Montreal after he was found. He hasn't remembered details like that, has never been able to recall things so specifically.

He eases himself up, careful not to wake Kate as he slips from the bed. He'll tell her later, no need to interrupt her peaceful sleep right now.

He stumbles into his office, pulls her journal from the drawer and opens to her next entry, desperate for more of her words.

* * *

_July 20__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_You know what I would give just about anything for today? _

_A hug. From you._

_You know those days where everything just goes to hell and I'm only functioning because you're by my side? Those days where you know that's the case even if I won't admit it? Those days where you wrap me in your arms and hold me tight, even if I act like that's the opposite of what I want?_

_Today is one of those days and I just desperately need a hug from you._

_I need to feel the solid wall of your chest, need to feel the strength of your arms wrapped around me._

_I just need a damn hug._

_When I find you, I'm going to take advantage of every opportunity to hug you._

* * *

Sometimes he just needs her words, needs a reminder that she didn't fall down the rabbit hole when he went missing.

Other times he needs her words to keep himself from falling down the rabbit hole.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: This is a short one that deals a little more with the dream Castle had in the last chapter. There will be a discussion of the things he remembers in the next and then it will be back to mostly fluff for our happily married couple!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Sometimes it's Kate who needs a hug. The long, hard case days, the reminders of the past, the nightmares of a time without Castle, all triggers that have her practically tripping into his arms, desperate for a reminder of reality.

Other time it's Castle who needs the hug, needs the soft embrace of his wife. When cases hit close to home, when he's been away from her for too long, so many things that have him needing her more than usual.

But when Castle's nightmares come, when dreams filled with things he's tried most of his life to forget, come to plague his sleep, when those memories come to the surface, threatening to break the strong man that he is into the intimidated, scared kid he once was, that's when he needs her the most.

* * *

He doesn't even have to tell Kate what's in the dreams, doesn't have to elaborate right away when she knows that he's hurting and terrified of the things that are coming to light.

Those are the nights when Kate holds him close, wraps him in her arms and pulls his head to her chest, lets the steady beating of her heart calm the erratic pounding of his own.

And just for a little while, he doesn't have to fight the battle that's waiting on the edge of the horizon.

Just for a little while, that little bubble of fortunate events, remains wrapped around them, fighting off the darkness.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thank you for continuing to support this story! xo**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Castle wakes to the sound of Kate's voice, body jerking in her arms as he struggles to the surface, fighting the death grip of yet another dream.

"Castle, come on, wake up," she soothes, hand running softly over his face, calming as his eyes flash open and focus on her.

"Kate," he breathes, voice heavy with sleep and laced with the heavy weight of fear.

"I'm here, Babe."

He shifts himself up, pulling his weight off of her and when his back hits the headboard he reaches out, pulling her into the warm cove of his arms and letting the warm weight of her calm his racing heart.

"I can't keep doing this, there's no escape from it. For the last week, every time I've closed my eyes I've been plunged into the depths of this dream." He sighs, head drifting back against the headboard and eyes squeezing closed.

Kate gives him a moment, because she knows he needs it, but she hates seeing him so distraught.

When he finally lifts his head, deep sapphire eyes searching her own hazel ones, she finds his hand, tangles their fingers and squeezes in reassurance.

"Can you—do you want to tell me about it?" she asks, giving him an option but not forcing him to talk to her about it.

"It's not enough to change things, not enough to convict anyone, and certainly not enough to find who took me." He sighs, resigned and weary from a dream that constantly haunts him but solves nothing for him.

"It doesn't matter," she whispers. "You're remembering something and that's important, even if it's only for your clarity."

Castle nods, thinking about the dream and piecing information together that he hopes will make sense to her, because he's having a little trouble making sense of it himself.

"I'm in Hollander's Woods. I can't remember what I've just witnessed, but I know someone is dead and the man who's chasing me knows that I've seen. I'm running as fast as I can, jumping over stumps and logs and praying that I make it to the clearing. I can see the man's face, can see the lethalness that flows through his veins. I think I'm going to make it, but just as I step over one log a root trips me and I roll to the ground. I'm trying to get up, trying to untangle my feet just as his hand closes over my arm and then no one can hear my screams, and no one comes to save me. "

He pauses, trying to remember anything else he saw in the dream.

"Oh Castle, you were too young to have witnessed something so gruesome. I'm so sorry that no one came for you. How did you get away?"

He thinks, mulls over the dream, but he doesn't remember how he got out, he only remembers the ending, something that he's been told before.

"I begged the man to make me forget what I saw, told him that if he erased the image from my mind that I'd never tell anyone."

He frowns, carrying so much weight and guilt for not remembering more.

"And what did he say?" Kate asks, keeping him in the present as he threatens to slip back to the past.

"I don't know. I can't—I haven't remembered that part. But he must have done as I asked and let me go, right?"

Kate nods, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

"I'm glad that you got out, however you did it, I'm glad."

He frowns again, shakes his head and breathes a defeated sound that tells Kate what he's going to say before he even opens his mouth.

"I wish that I could remember. I wish that I hadn't told him to make me forget."

Kate surges forward, presses her lips to his and silences his pain, breathing hope and life into his mouth.

"No, Castle. No. I know it's frustrating not to remember, but the choice you made that day saved your life, and there should be no regrets for that."

He keeps her close, lets the soft brush of her lips against his skin sooth the aching in his chest.

"It's late, you haven't been sleeping well." She tries to ease him back down on the bed, prepares to persuade him to sleep, but he shakes his head, hands falling to her hips to keep her where she is.

"Can't sleep. I can't handle that dream again tonight."

He's so resigned, so lost to the sea of darkness that's swirling around him and she wants nothing more than to bring light to his horizon, to drown out the abyss with calming clarity.

"Okay, so we won't sleep. We'll overcome."

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

_July 21__st__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_I spent another weekend at my apartment. I promised myself that I wouldn't do it, that I wouldn't shut myself away again, but when you're not here to save me from myself I find that I resort back to old ways._

_I needed to be alone._

_But I didn't stare at your picture. I didn't stand in front of the window for hours upon end while my legs begged me to sit down. I didn't study case files until my eyes crossed._

_I watched a John Woo movie marathon._

_And you know what?_

_It helped._

_Movie marathon nights with you are one of my favorite things, and while I was watching, just for a little while I got to imagine that you were here with me._

_The first night we ever planned a movie marathon turned out a lot differently than either of us expected. And although I regret wasting so much time and almost dying before I ever told you how I felt, I don't regret how that night ended._

_I don't plan on being soaking wet and covered in bruises, well, at least not the latter of the two when I find you, but I do hope that night ends mostly the same way._

* * *

"Castle!"

Kate's voice rings through the quiet loft, startling Castle just as he finishes her entry. He's trying to catch up on the ones he's missed while he's been dealing with his dreams.

She doesn't sound alarmed, but he still rushes into the bedroom, sliding to a halt at the bathroom door where she stands stark naked and turned to the side.

His eyes follow the shape of her body, drifting over each delectable curve until he sees one that hasn't been there before and realizes the reason for her excitement.

Her hand rests lightly over the tiny baby bump that is just barely visible. To anyone else it would probably be unnoticeable, but he's been paying close attention to his wife's body, knows every part of it as well as he does his own.

His hands slide around her, drifting across the bare skin of her stomach until they slip beneath her own, coming to rest against the soft swell.

Kate grins at him in the mirror, leaning her head back to rest against his chest.

"I've known this was real, but up until now there was no physical proof of it, ya know? Now that I can see him growing it's finally setting in. We're having a baby, Castle."

He chuckles, pressing a light kiss against her temple.

"Yes we are. Still convinced it's a boy?"

Kate turns in his arms, presses herself closer and despite the fact that he's completely clothed, the press of her body still burns through him, sparking the flame of want that never really goes out.

"It's definitely a boy," she hums, fingers toying with the buttons of his shirt.

"It won't be long until we can find out," he notes, watching her delicate fingers as they work each small disk free until his shirt falls open, enabling her to push it off his shoulders.

"I thought you wanted to have a movie marathon?" he asks, quirking an eyebrow when her hands fall to the button of his pants.

"There's something else I want more, now." She smirks, pushing his pants to the floor and leveling him with a suggestive look.

She waits patiently for him to step out of his pants and slide his boxers off, and then she's pulling him towards the shower.

"Didn't you just get out of the shower?"

"That one was to get clean, this one is to get dirty," she laughs, the melodious sound luring him in.

As if there's anywhere else he'd rather be.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: This is not the original chapter I had planned to post today. This demanded to be written and it's the reason that I'm posting today's update so late. There's no journal entry but I hope you'll enjoy it. :) Also, thank you for sending me so much love and support and putting this story over the 400 review mark. I don't write for reviews, but the support and sweet words always put a huge smile on my face!XO**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Wednesday morning starts out a little differently.

Castle skips out on going to the precinct with her and though he doesn't give her a reason, he also doesn't indicate any part of his reason for skipping, other than he has some things to do.

It's always been unlikely for him to leave her alone at the precinct, especially since he returned from those horrible two months of missing. He hates being away from her just as much as she hates being away from him. So his insistence that things are fine but he needs the day to himself has her extremely curious.

Kate texts him a few times throughout the day, finding herself slightly annoyed when he only responds with one words answers. He's a talker even when he's texting, so it's completely unlike him to be so vague.

* * *

By the time she leaves the precinct she's tired, annoyed and lonely. It's bad enough that she has to spend most of her day at her desk while the rest of her team gets to chase down suspects, but it's even worse when she has to do it without the company of her husband.

And everyone knows that Gates isn't much company when it comes to work.

She drops her bag by the door and slips her shoes off beside it, kicking the door closed with her bare foot and heading straight to the bedroom to find comfortable clothes. She doesn't call out for Castle but finds it strange when he doesn't come looking for her. She text him before she left the precinct to let him know she was on her way.

When she emerges from the bedroom, Castle's red t-shirt barely covering the only undergarment she left on, she stops and frowns.

There's no dinner on the table, no signs that anything has been cooked and her husband has yet to make an appearance.

"Castle?" she calls out, stopping in the middle of the living room with her hands on her hips.

He doesn't answer so she checks her phone to make sure she didn't miss a text from him.

When she rules that out she makes her way up the stairs to check the only other rooms he could be in.

She hears rustling from down the hall, coming from Martha's old room so she quietly steps down the hall and slowly pushes the door open.

She's completely unprepared for what she finds, so caught off guard and surprised that tears immediately begin to roll down her cheeks. And because it's so unlike her to cry so easily she tells herself it's the hormones, blames her emotions on their growing baby.

Castle looks up from the place on the floor where he sits with crib parts scattered around him.

The large room which used to hold the vibrant wardrobe of Martha Rodgers, along with her bed and other things, is now painted a rich shade of chestnut brown. A teal stripe runs around the middle of the room which is littered with various baby necessities all in a matching teal color.

Her husband grins as he watches her take in the room, and then she finds his eyes and a smile blooms across her face even as the tears continue to slide down her cheeks.

"Do you like it?" he asks as he stands from the floor and comes for her, wrapping her in his arms when she nods.

"I love it. This is what you spent all day doing?"

"I know you probably wanted to be a part of it and if there's anything you don't like we can send it back and get a different one. But I just wanted to do something for you, because you're giving me another baby and I could never thank you enough for that, for wanting to create a family with me."

Kate sniffs, fighting back another wave of tears as she watches the love shine on the face of the man she loves. "Babe, this is the life I wanted. There's nothing I've ever wanted more than you and a family with you. You didn't have to thank me or do anything for me, but this room is beautiful and perfect and everything I could have wanted it to be."

Castle pulls her closer, smudging a grinning, smacking kiss to her lips. "I was hoping to have the crib set up before you got home, but I forgot what a pain all those parts can be."

She laughs, dragging him back to the floor so that she can help him finish the crib.

"And what do we do if we get to the doctor and find out that it isn't a boy?" she asks, eyebrow quirking as she smirks at her husband.

"If you say it's a boy, then it's a boy," he says, as if he's always agreed with everything she's ever said.

Yeah, right.

She rolls her eyes, but leans in to kiss him on the cheek.

About five minutes later Castle seems to realize what she's wearing or rather what she's not wearing. He loses all focus on the crib, hands sliding over her bare thighs instead as he blocks her view of the instructions.

"Castle, I thought we were putting together a crib?" she asks, batting his hand away because she loves it when he pouts.

"We have six months, that's plenty of time," he grins as he advances on her, hands finding their way back to her thighs only higher this time.

She lets him push her back, let his lips descend across her flushed skin, but the moment his hands slide higher she pushes him back, slipping away and sauntering to the door.

"Not in our son's room."

Her laugh echoes through the loft when he catches her half way down the stairs, they don't make it much further than that.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Just went through my outline and there will be four more chapters and an epilogue after this one. I have so loved posting this throughout February for you all to read. I hope you've enjoyed it. I've been toying with an idea for another sequel that will focus on the rest of Kate's pregnancy and the birth of their baby. Let me know if that's something you would enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Castle brings Kate's journal with him to the precinct on Thursday. He's still behind on catching up and she has paperwork to finish.

He's not exactly surprised when he finds that there are a few more days missing, but he's unsure of what her words will say. She's constantly surprised him with all of the ways she found hope even after rough days.

* * *

_July 26__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_You didn't walk away from me._

_I know you didn't._

_I'm so sick of what the evidence keeps pointing to._

_I had to pick up my mom's wedding dress from the cleaner today. They've been trying to get the mud stains out since Martha dropped it off for me right after you went missing._

_It's ruined. The stains wouldn't come out. _

_I couldn't bring myself to part with it so it's here, in a garment bag in the back of our closet._

_Now not only do I not have a fiancé to marry, I have no dress to get married in._

_I had to skip some days and I'm sorry for letting that hope slip through my fingers, but I just don't know how much more I can handle._

_If you were here you would tell me that it doesn't matter what I'm wearing when we get married. You'd laugh when I rolled my eyes and tell me to go pick out a new dress. You would fix everything because that's what you do; it's what you've always done for me._

_But if you were here, none of this bad stuff would have happened and we'd be married right now._

* * *

Castle closes the book, immediately reaching for Kate's hand. She frowns at first, not because he's holding her hand, but because of the randomness of it.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, squeezing her fingers to emphasize how much he means those two words.

"For what?" she frowns again, wondering where this sudden seriousness has come from.

She spots the closed book on the edge of her desk, realizes the reason for his shift in mood.

"For everything you went through while I was gone, for what happened to your mom's dress, for all of it. I'm just sorry. You didn't deserve any of it."

She smiles because how could she not? Her husband is the sweetest man.

"I wish that it had never happened, but it made me appreciate you so much more. It opened my eyes to so many things that I was taking for granted. I got you back, and I got to marry you, and we're having a baby. My hopes are becoming a reality."

"You've always been my hope, Kate. Always."

She lets him kiss her in the middle of the precinct, because they're married and he came back to her.

* * *

And when Gates looks up from her desk to find her best detective in a lip lock with her husband, she just smiles and shakes her head. After everything those two have been through, they deserve every minute of their happiness.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: You all are the best. Thank you for all of the smiles! Thank you for the lovely response on a possible sequel!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Castle finds Kate in the nursery, tightening the last screw on the crib that now stands tall in the center of the room.

"Kate, why didn't you yell at me, I would have helped you," he asks as he moves further into the room, making sure that she doesn't try to move the crib on her own.

"You were writing, and since I've been keeping you pretty busy lately, I decided to find something else to occupy my time."

He brushes her hands away from the crib when she tries to help him move it, but he lets her direct him on where she wants it.

"You could have interrupted. As my wife, you have unlimited interruption rights."

She laughs, nodding when he gets the crib exactly where she wants it, and it looks perfect.

"And have Gina mad and calling me? No thanks."

He pouts at her, earning an eye roll and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for helping me move the crib. I love this room so much."

He smiles, admiring the room with her.

"I'm glad."

She picks up the tools she used to put the crib together and starts out of the room, turning when she gets to the door to look at him.

"How about I cook dinner for us tonight while you finish the chapter you were working on?"

"How do you know I didn't finish it already?"

"Yeah right, Castle," she quips, laughing as she flips off the light and starts down the stairs.

* * *

He lets her cook, figuring it's better to indulge his pregnant wife. He tends to hover a little more than she likes and he knows she tolerates it because she loves him, but she's barely showing and he should back off a little before her growing stomach has him overly protective.

He returns to his office, wakes his sleeping laptop with the click of the mouse and stares at the screen.

He did get some work done earlier, made quite a bit of progress on the chapter that was due to Gina over a week ago, but he's not feeling it now, would rather be spending time with his wife.

And since he's not hovering, giving her some space, he chooses the next best thing. Her journal.

He pulls the little black book from its place in the top drawer of his desk, flips through the pages and finds his spot. But he notices that there are a lot of blank pages so he skims ahead to see how many more entries he has to read. He knows she stopped writing when she found him, but there are still five days left to read if she wrote through the end of July.

He finds there are only two entries left. The one he's about to read and a final one.

Knowing there's another story behind that, he puts his questions aside for later and focuses on the next entry.

* * *

_July 27__th__, 2014_

_Castle,_

_Do you remember that time that we both went on those horrible set-up dates? We ended up at the same restaurant with two nice people that were horrible for us._

_I laugh when I think about it now._

_We never gave them a chance to impress us, because we were so focused on that case we were working._

_But you know what else I think happened that night? _

_We didn't want those dates to work out._

_Even if we weren't ready to admit it, or maybe it was just me who wasn't, we were falling for each other._

_But the best part of the night was at the end, after we solved the case. You carried my dress out and we went to Remy's._

_And we had those burgers and shakes that we love._

_I would never have called it a date then, but now that I look back on it, I consider that our first date._

_I don't know why it was so hard for me to see how good you were for me back then._

_I wish I hadn't been so scared to dive in with you._

_Remy's food has become a thing for us._

_And I look forward to continuing that 'thing' when you get home._

* * *

Castle's not surprised when he steps into the kitchen to find her making burgers and the blender set out for their milkshakes.

She knew he wouldn't write when he went back in his office.

And she's still making her hopes their reality.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday, took a day to shop and have some fun with my mom, sister and niece. It was glorious. To make up for it, here's a little fluff/Casketty goodness for you before Castle reads Kate's last journal entry. Happy March 1st! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story!**

* * *

The dawn of March 1st brings a burst of warmth to New York. The usually chilly month starts off with sunshine and pleasant temperatures which are welcomed after the long, cold months of weather that winter brought to the city.

Castle's not surprised when he finds Kate on the roof after searching the loft for her. An early meeting at Black Pawn had pulled him away in the early morning hours before the sun had risen, leaving Kate to wake alone in their bed. And knowing that he would be back soon, Kate had let the sunshine lure her to the roof to wait.

She's bundled in her robe, the short one that he loves because it still offers a glorious view of her long legs, which she has stretched out on the lounge chair she's resting on. It's not summer temperatures, but the sunshine feels wonderful and Castle can only imagine how much Kate's enjoying the warmth on her skin.

He sets her mug of tea on the ledge of the roof next to where she's positioned her chair and kneels down beside her. Her eyes are closed, another indication of how much she's enjoying the sun.

He's not surprised when he presses a kiss to her cheek and instead of startling, a smile blooms across her face. Even when she's gloriously relaxed, the detective in her is aware of her surroundings.

"I see you're enjoying the sunshine," he murmurs against the soft skin of her cheek.

"Mm, how could I not? It's so warm and beautiful and after the winter we had, I'm so ready for this weather."

Castle grins, trailing his lips along the side of her jaw, lingering in certain spots each time she shivers.

"Castle," she growls, trying to shrug him off when he blocks the sun from hitting her body.

He chuckles, leaning back so that the brilliant rays of light can fall across her face once again.

"I missed out on kissing my wife good morning, I just wanted to make up for it," he states, smiling at her when she squints her eyes open to look at him.

She laughs, reaching for his hand and tangling their fingers.

"Well, come here and kiss me then," she orders, using her grip on his hand to pull him back to her.

He presses a tentative kiss to her lips, soft and lingering and full of the good morning whispers that he missed out on telling her this morning.

She keeps him there, but after several minutes without the sun warming her skin she shivers against him.

"Sunshine looks good on you, Kate, but it would look even better without this robe," he hums, fingers toying with the tie that's holding her blue, silk robe together.

"Castle, it's not that warm out here, I'm not taking this robe off."

He kisses her again, hand slipping beneath where the robe has ridden up her thigh, eliciting a sharp gasp from her.

"What if you had something else to keep you warm?"

She shivers again, but for an entirely different reason as his hand slips further under the robe, brushing against her.

"Castle, we're on the roof," she argues, but fails to bat his hand away as he unties her robe and it falls open, exposing her naked flesh to the cool air.

He covers her immediately, blocking the air from hitting her skin as his lips skirt across her neck.

"Private access, Kate, and I promise to keep you covered."

She answers with the lift of her hips, hands tangling in his hair to bring his lips back to hers.

"I take it you're on board with this?" he asks, pulling away from her swollen lips to catch his breath.

"Yes. Keep me warm, Castle," she breathes into his mouth, surging forward to claim his lips again.

He does more than keep her warm, the blue, silk robe lying forgotten on the roof long after he's coaxed her inside for round two.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: A little bit of hurt/comfort/fluff before we see Castle read Kate's last entry. Only one chapter and the epilogue left. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

Castle welcomes Monday evening after a trying day at the precinct nearly landed him in a holding cell.

* * *

The case they caught that morning had Ryan and Espo bringing in a burly, hateful suspect who looked at Kate like she was a piece of meat.

Unable to work the field and help bring him in, Kate insisted on doing the interrogation. From the moment she sat down across from the man, he was rude, distasteful and arrogant. He deflected each of Kate's questions by making inappropriate comments towards her.

Ever the straight faced detective, she did well to ignore the comments, but that only spurred the man on.

Castle bit his lip, gritted his teeth and glared at the man, knowing that an outburst from him would do little to help Kate break the man. But when the comments became too much, and the suspect, whose hands were cuffed to the table, used his legs for leverage to try and touch Kate, those things combined sent Castle into a frenzy of rage that ended with the man being knocked to the floor and Castle's hands around his throat.

Kate hadn't been able to pull him off and it had taken both Ryan and Espo to get Castle to his feet and away from the asshole sprawled on the floor.

Though the man deserved every bit of it for saying the things he had, Kate rounded on Castle the minute they were out of the room, backing him into the hallway for some privacy. But it was clear the moment the reprimand left her mouth that it was the wrong way to react, the physical falling of her husband's face enough to weigh heavy on her heart.

She'd talked to Gates, and together the two women had convinced the lawyers that it was self-defense on Castle's part. It helped that Ryan found the evidence needed to convict the man which landed him in prison for the rest of his life. Kate had sent Castle home after that, told him to cool off and promised she'd be there after she finished her paperwork.

* * *

Kate finds him in his office, nursing a glass of scotch when she finally trudges through the door of the loft. His face is sullen, defeated and her heart clenches tightly in her chest, hating to see him like that, hating that she's partially to blame for it.

"Hey, Babe," she whispers, coming to stand right in front of her husband.

"Hey," he replies, voice soft and hurt, the look in his eyes conveying all she needs to know.

She pushes herself forward, dropping her weight softly into his lap. He's stiff at first, but sets his half-empty glass onto the desk and lets his hands settle on her legs.

"Castle, I'm sorry about earlier. I know that you were just trying to protect me and I appreciate that, but you can't react like that at the precinct. What if Gates and I hadn't been able to get the charges against you dropped?"

He sighs; a mournful, pitiful sound as his hands fidget in her lap and she reaches for one of them, wraps her fingers tightly around his own.

"I know, Kate. I'm sorry. I just couldn't listen to him talk to you like that any longer and when he tried to touch you I just lost it. I know you can protect yourself, but you're carrying our child and if anything happened to you or our baby…"

He trails off; unable to finish his sentence and Kate surges forward, presses a bruising kiss against his lips that lingers when he returns it with passion and want.

Kate lets her lips continue brushing against his when she pulls away for air. "You can't think like that, Babe. Nothing is going to happen to any of us. I think after everything we've been through, the universe owes us a break."

She gets a real smile for that, the bright cerulean returning to her husband's eyes as his hands slide around her waist.

"I love you," he breathes against her lips, pressing a chaste kiss there.

"I love you, too. Can I thank you for being my sexy, protective husband?"

His eyes flash with a spark of arousal as he picks up on her tone.

"And how might you do that?" he asks, eyes widening when she shifts to straddle his lap.

"I've always been better at showing than telling," she hums, fingers working the buttons of his shirt until it falls open, exposing his chest to her wicked hands.

* * *

He'd planned to read her last entry before bed, but after a hard day, he's not sure he could handle the final heartbreaking words she wrote before she found him. The last bit of hope she held on to before they were reunited and the evidence came crashing down around her. He'll save that for another day. Right now, the welcome weight of his wife is a hopeful, pleasant reminder that together, they continue to beat the odds.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Here it is, the final chapter. The epilogue will follow. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me. I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for the constant support.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

More often than not during the course of his adult life, Castle has found himself in life affirming situations. Events that remind him that the only day you have is the one you're currently living. Days that remind him that life can be short or long and what matters is that you appreciate all of the things in-between. So many people go through life and don't actually live; they're just surviving until their time is up. If Castle has learned anything it's that love makes you live and in the trying times, it also pushes you to survive.

Life with Kate Beckett has never been boring. From the moment he met her his days were filled with excitement and challenges that tested him in ways he never imagined. But falling in love with her was both the greatest challenge and the biggest reward of his entire life. And each day she continues to remind him of all he has to be thankful for, of everything he's accomplished and of all the hopes that he still has to look forward to.

Reading her journal was equally hard and refreshing. Her words were the cleansing his soul needed after two months of his life were taken away from him, two months that he still doesn't remember. Her gift to him was a balm for the wounds that still remained below the surface, though they've been mostly dormant since he was reunited with her.

And as he sits down to read her final entry, the last words she wrote to him before the universe righted itself and brought them together once again, he finds that a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. And for the first time in a long time, he's at peace.

* * *

_August 1__st__ 2014,_

_Castle,_

_I got a call this morning, they found you. _

_I should be rushing out the door right now, but I had to stop and write this because I don't know what it's going to be like when I see you._

_All I know right now is that I wanted so badly to be the one to find you and although I'm more than thrilled that you're alive, I still wish that I had been the one to bring you home._

_I don't know what you've been through, what you've witnessed, what your frame of mind will be, but I have faith in one thing._

_Our love._

_We have a love stronger than anything I've ever witnessed, even when I didn't want to admit or believe it. _

_You've convinced me multiple times that what we have is for life and I have faith in that._

_Whatever happened to you, we'll overcome it._

_So, my last hope, because you deserve one on this day just as much as any other, is that we'll come you home, find our way, stand on solid ground and get justice for you._

_I worked for years to get justice for my mother, I don't give up and neither do you. So no matter what, we'll beat this, all of it._

_I will fight this with you, until we don't have to fight any longer._

_I love you, Richard Castle, with every beat of my heart. You will always be the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for beating the odds and coming home to me. _

_Here's to finding our solid ground._

* * *

He hates that so many things stacked against them after she wrote those words, hates that they were pushed to their limits when all they wanted to do was heal. But even then Kate was so strong, and though she wanted answers, she let herself be okay with not knowing because all that mattered in the end is that they had each other.

They still don't have all the answers, but they're better than they've ever been. And for now, that's more than enough.

* * *

Castle finds her in their bedroom, almost in the same spot she stood, cautious and hurting the night she brought him home.

She knows. She always knows.

But this time when he approaches her, neither finds the need for cautiousness. He doesn't stand on the opposite side of the room wondering if touching her will break or heal them. He doesn't need to make small talk or comfort her in careful ways.

He just reaches for her, and smiles when she comes willingly, because being wrapped in each other's arms is their solid ground.

Kate hums against the soft skin of his neck, splays her fingers over the strong muscles of his back and then she lifts her head to dust a kiss across his lips.

"Thank you, for never giving up on me," he whispers, tracing her jawline with the pad of his thumb.

"I had to return the favor, you know? You told me if I wanted the happy ending that I couldn't give up. So that was never an option."

"I never could have done this without you," he admits, voice cracking with the truth of his words.

"Hmm, where have I heard those words before?" she teases, lightening the mood enough to earn a soft smile from her husband.

"Partners, right?"

"Always," she breathes before claiming his lips, pouring promises of hopes and happiness into the welcome heat of his mouth.

* * *

She's told him before that his words saved her, that they held her together when every twist and turn of life threatened to break her apart. One day he'll tell her that her words were and always will be his hope.

In a book of hope filled with a future that promises to be the best ever, they found peace, and a series of fortunate events that far outweighed the unfortunate ones.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	30. Epilogue

**A/N: It's bittersweet that this journey has come to an end. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making February bearable and for showing so much love and support for this story. I appreciate each and every follow, favorite, review and note more than you will ever know! I'm still toying with the idea for a sequel that will follow the rest of Kate's pregnancy/birth of their baby. Until then, I heart you all!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

**Epilogue**

_Three weeks later_

Castle smiles as he slips Kate's journal onto the book shelf next to the Nikki Heat series. It settles into its place as if it belonged there all along, next to the words that began it all, and a new peace blankets around him just as a freshly fallen snow would cover the grass.

He's just finished his cup of coffee when Kate steps up behind him, wrapping her arms around the broad expanse of his shoulders as she balances on her tiptoes to dust a kiss over his cheek.

Castle pouts when the fresh scent of her floods his senses because showers with her are one of his favorite things. And when he turns in the circle of her arms to wrap is own around her, she laughs a melodious sound before she wipes the pout entirely off his lips.

"Not fair, Kate. You've been insatiable the last few months and then you go and take a shower without me," he whines against her lips, huffing when she rolls her eyes at him.

"Castle, my doctor's appointment is in less than an hour. I love showering together just as much as you do, but this is one appointment I don't want to be late for."

He lets her off the hook for that because he's equally as excited about this appointment and they really should get going.

"I'll make it up to you later," she promises, winking as she slips out of his arms to grab her coat from the closet.

He'll hold her to that promise, but he has other plans for her first because after they find out the sex of their baby, there's an important stop they need to make.

Ever since he started reading her hopes for their future, Castle has made it a point to work on making each of them a reality. So many of them already are, but he has plans for the rest of the things she mentioned, starting with today.

* * *

The waiting room is surprisingly empty when they arrive at doctor's office, and Kate quietly reminds him that they're twenty minutes early because of her solo shower, which earns her another pout from her husband that she desperately wants to kiss away.

They've just sat down when Kate's name is being called and hand in hand the giddy couple makes their way into the room where their life is about to be changed once again.

It has been one thing to know they're having a baby and to guess about whether they'll be having a son or a daughter, but the reality of actually knowing is an entirely different story.

Castle keeps his fingers locked with Kate's, his thumb sweeping gently across her knuckles as the cool gel is applied to her stomach and their baby is displayed on the large screen in front of them.

A perfect little baby bounces happily on the screen, flipping and stretching inside Kate's stomach as if the life they created knows that they're watching.

And when the doctor freezes the screen, catching a glimpse between their baby's legs, Kate and Castle turn to each other wearing matching grins.

* * *

With the ultrasound pictures tucked carefully in his pocket, Castle comes around to Kate's side of the car, opening the door and helping her out into the cool March air. She frowns, glancing around her, but her question dies before she ever opens her mouth when she realizes the reason Castle has brought them here.

He leads the way as if he's been here with her a million times when in fact he never has. And she can't help but think he must have called her dad, wanting this moment to be as special as she knows it will be.

Castle keeps her close, wrapping a hand around her shoulders as they come to a stop in front of Johanna Beckett's resting place. And suddenly, Kate can't stop the tears from welling up in her eyes, the emotional weight of everything too much to keep inside.

She's having a baby with the love of her life and everything has finally fallen into place. She's never been happier, but she can't help the sadness of knowing her mother will never be able to experience any of it with her.

And yet, this is exactly what she needed, the first person she would have picked to tell the sex of their baby, and she loves Castle that much more for knowing her so well.

"Castle –"

He hears the sharp emotion in her voice, an apology forming on his tongue immediately when he thinks this might be too much for her, but she shakes her head, presses a finger to his lips.

"This is perfect. You know me so well that sometimes it almost scares me," she confesses, swiping a tear from her cheek before she pulls him into a hug.

He fishes the ultrasound pictures from his pocket, kneeling in front of the headstone with Kate and holding them out.

"I just thought that your mom should be the first to know," he smiles, squeezing her hand in support.

She sniffles, takes a deep breath and runs her hand across the granite letters of Johanna's name.

"You would have been the best grandmother, Mom. But it's okay that our son won't get to wrap you around his little finger, because he gets the best guardian angel I could have ever asked for."

Castle smiles at her words, marveling at how far she's come since he first met her. The Kate Beckett that arrested him in the middle of a party would have never talked about guardian angels, let alone admitted that she believed in them.

He gives her a minute and when she nods he helps her to her feet, returning his arm to her shoulders as they head back to the car.

* * *

She's quiet when he leads her into the loft, hand clasped tightly with her own. She lets him slide her coat from her shoulders and he hangs it in the closet before pulling her into his embrace.

"So, Mrs. Castle, it seems you were right all along."

"Do I get some sort of prize for that?" she teases, lifting her head from the wall of his chest to bat her eyelashes at him.

"What would you like your prize to be?" he asks, leaning forward to press a kiss to her lips.

"You," she breathes against his lips. "I just want you."

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! _

_Again, thank you so much for reading! _

_xoxoxoxo_


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